“Calmness is the rarest quality in human life.” ~ William George Jordan 1898



I guess peace and calm is something that people have yearned for from the beginning of time. I found the quote above in an old book at my son’s house. The title is The Majesty of Calmness. During and after a midlife divorce, you mostly feel anything but calm. You feel worried, afraid, distracted, angry, edgy and every other uncalm emotion you can think of. And peace is in short supply especially in your relationship with your wasband. Things seem complicated and in disarray everywhere you turn. But regardless of what is going on all around you, you can develop a peaceful attitude. You can choose to be peaceful. Even as I say that, I must admit during my whole midlife divorce recovery journey, I often was not peaceful. In fact, in the dictionary my picture would have been in the space describing the absolute opposite of peaceful. But here’s something I learned as I went along: I could practice what I used to tell my children occasionally: “Calm yourself!” Calming yourself means a redirection of your thinking. You can take a deep breath and get your mind on how you want to feel or what you want the outcome of the situation to be. Wild outbursts of emotion, though cathartic and necessary sometimes, most often are counterproductive. They take you the opposite direction from where you want to go. Thinking about the Bible verse below helps calm me, too.  It reminds me that God’s power can give me a peace that I can’t attain myself … a peace beyond my capabilities … A peace that says “take heart … everything is okay -- even now.” That assurance gives me courage and peace. And It reminds me to center myself in God rather than letting circumstances dictate a dumb and useless trip to someplace not worth going in the first place.



"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27  or as The Message says it:  "I'm leaving you well and whole.  That's my parting gift to you.  Peace.  I don't leave you the way you're used to being left -- feeling abandoned, bereft.  So don't be upset.  Don't be distraught."