Try this today – it’s so worth it

Posted on May 24, 2013 by Suzy

A simple act of kindness can change someone's day. Try it today and see what happens. It's amazing ... and addicting!

A simple act of kindness can change someone’s day. Try it today and see what happens. It’s amazing, addicting and it makes life sparkle in all kinds of ways!

“Life would be much more exciting if each of us left a trail of ‘little sparks of appreciation’ along our way.”
David Dunn, author of Try Giving Yourself Away

It’s so simple to show appreciation. Look at all the people you come in contact with in a day. They are all human beings like you with problems, sorrows, joys, frustrations. You have no idea the obstacles and challenges they may be facing every day. What a difference it makes to simply be appreciative and try to connect with another real live person. Continue reading →

Stuck in a rut of negativity

Posted on May 23, 2013 by Suzy

The longer we stay on the path of negativity, the more ingrained negativity becomes and that breeds more negativity. Pretty soon we’re stuck in the negativity ditch, and that’s not pretty. Get out now!”Keep out of ruts; a rut is something which if traveled in too much, becomes a ditch.”
Arthur Giterman

During any time of pain, sadness, anger or fear it is easy to get in a rut. The more we dwell on the negatives of our situation, the more entrenched they become. Believe me, I understand that all through a divorce, there are plenty of things to be upset about. It seems like every day brings something that makes you unsteady, or angry or sad. Let’s concentrate on dealing with whatever we are facing, but let’s don’t get stuck in a “down” lifestyle. Let’s find ways to keep the negative path from becoming a rut that just keeps getting deeper and deeper. Continue reading →

Is Peace Possible During Divorce?

Posted on May 21, 2013 by Suzy

Peace is our choice. But peace only comes when we know that our life is secure in God’s love and protection in spite of all of the struggles that show up because of free will.

“Tension comes from not knowing the outcome.”
Randy Harris

I recently came across some notes I took from a lecture by Randy Harris at a conference in Nashville, Tennessee where I was also presenting a couple of lectures about divorce recovery. This happened to be a Christian conference. I know that many of you reading this may not be Christians, and I respect that. However that is my belief system, and I am trying to reach a little deeper into what that actually means in my day-to-day life. Does faith and trust in the Trinity make my life any different? Am I better able to handle a crisis like divorce or the death of a loved one or other personal devastations? Part of being a Christian is the fact that true disciples of Christ are mostly peaceful. No human being is peaceful all the time. Even Christ himself turned the tables over in the temple and sent the money and the products flying. He also didn’t shrink from telling hypocrites that they were “like cups clean on the outside but filthy on the inside.”

As Randy pointed out, not knowing how things will turn out bring tension that often destroys our serenity. The truth is: in life we can never know precisely how details will unfold. Too many variables can affect what happens. Too many things come up that we never would have expected. Things like our divorce distress us and distrub us and for longer than we expect. But after time to grieve and time to figure out what this situation really means in my life, as a Christian I need to be able to get back to peace. Continue reading →

Divorce despair safeguards

Posted on May 20, 2013 by Suzy

I don’t even know whether I should talk about this today. I know most of the women on this site have a plate full of sadness, discouragement and devastation. I don’t want to add to that, but I’m worried.

Last week, a 60-something year old man killed himself in his home at the end of our cul-de-sac. We often exchanged conversation at the mailbox … he was a God-follower.

I just got an e-mail from my daughter who teaches high school English. She had one of her students come in and return a book this morning and the student looked sad, so my daughter asked what was the matter. Her brother had hung himself in his closet last night at 8:45. My daughter said, “I feel sick to my stomach.” I do, too.

I’m telling you this simply because I want everyone to know that as sad and as depressed as anyone reading this might feel, every life has value. We each as a person have value. We were each created by God for a purpose and we are loved beyond all measure and beyond all doubt. Regardless of our life situation at this moment, we matter. God sees every tear and knows our heartache and will sustain us no matter what. He wants us to show our children that life always is worth living and that hope cannot be defeated. That joy is still possible no matter what. Do not let one dumb person destroy who we are and the beautiful future waiting for us. No matter what anyone else does to us, our life is precious and always, always, always worth living. We need to pass that along to our children. We need to demonstrate that to those we love. And we need to reach out to those who are struggling and suffering and get involved. Soon you will see life with new eyes of joy and beauty and contentment and you will understand that God’s promises of a life beyond our wildest dreams are true and can be trusted. Continue reading →

A New Garden

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Suzy

Plant a garden. It will be a great reminder to get rid of the toxic weeds in your life and cultivate the plants that will eventually bring a delicious harvest.

“I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts … but they need constant attention. One day I decided I had better things to do.”
Brian Andreas; author, artist, storyteller, creator of story people

My daughter and her children planted a small plot in a local community garden. Each child picked what they wanted to grow and they carefully planted last weekend. When I went up to help them water yesterday, there were already little weeds showing up.

Weeds take constant vigilance to keep in check. And if we don’t get rid of them early they take over the plants we want to grow. It’s the same with our life. Don’t let the toxic weeds get any foothold, because if you do they quickly displace the plants you want to grow. Continue reading →

A full bag

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Suzy

Nothing happens unless we do something. Just thinking and wishing and planning and hoping doesn’t make things change. Doing something does. What positive thing are you doing today?

“Wishes never filled the bag.”
Greek Proverb

If you are going through a divorce, you have probably been doing your share of wishing lately. Wishing things had turned out differently. Wishing you were still married. Wishing you didn’t have to suffer like this. Wishing you had more money. Wishing your children didn’t have to go through this. Nothing can change the things that have already happened, and simply wishing for something in the future never makes it happen either. Action makes things happen. Concrete decisions and real work and commitment make things happen. Continue reading →

Unpredictable hours

Posted on May 13, 2013 by Suzy

Notice the little beautiful things all around you even on your most difficult divorce days. Choose to notice the blessings in the middle of the mess. They are always there. It’s our job to notice, especially now.

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.”
Mary Jean Iron

In going through a midlife divorce, you are looking for a better day tomorrow because the day you’re in is often full of tough, hard confrontations and challenges. There’s no doubt about it, these are very hard days. But don’t completely use up the hours of this day with negatatives. In doing that, you miss completely the joys available this very instant. Continue reading →

Retreating and Hiding is Okay Temporarily

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Suzy

It's okay to retreat and regroup temporarily. In fact, doing exactly what we want to do for a day may give us time and restore energy to get back into the fight. But the hiding and retreating must be temporary. Set time boundaries and stick to them. P.S. More than a weekend is usually too long!

It’s okay to retreat and regroup temporarily. In fact, doing exactly what we want to do for a day can give us renewed energy to get back into the fight. NOTE: The hiding and retreating must be temporary. Set time boundaries and stick to them. P.S. More than a weekend is usually too long!

“We are wired as humans to be open to the world instead of enclosed in a fortified, defensive mentality. What your giving can do is to help your readers be braver, be better than they are, be open to the world again.”
Anne Lamott, Bestselling author

I know after a midlife divorce, the tendency is to curl up in the fetal position, pull the covers over your head and hope for the hurt to go away. And some days, it’s okay to give yourself permission to retreat and hide. Continue reading →

Decide

Posted on May 8, 2013 by Suzy

Choosing to choose. Some of us try to leave decisions about our life up to someone else. The reality is that making choices is one of the things that gives us power and control over what happens in our life. Don’t give that power to anyone else.

“The most important thing your judge must do is make a decision.”
Roger von Oech, author of A Kick in the Seat of the Pants

This is the hardest part for me. Making a decision. In January of 1970 I wrote in my journal … “Tension and anxiety come not with a wrong decision … (for that can be corrected), but with indecision.” I have always had trouble making decisions. I put them off. I finally had to set a time limit to making a decision to actually file for divorce. It took three years. I kept vacillating. I tried to honestly weigh all the arguments. Big decisions like divorce demand a careful evaluation and should not be rushed. But eventually a decision has to be made. Continue reading →

In a funk? Do this.

Posted on May 7, 2013 by Suzy

Helping someone else always helps us. And reaching out to others takes our focus off our own difficult situation. That’s often the best medicine of all.

“The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, I’m inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.”
Therese Borchard

Sometimes we don’t think we can help anyone because we are feeling so weak ourselves. I know when I started my first R.A.D.I.C.A.L Women group (Rising Above Divorce In Confidence And Love), I felt unbelievably unprepared for the task. I was hardly getting out of bed myself on some mornings. In fact, I was afraid we might just all sit down around the table and start crying. Well, we did cry some, but we also laughed. We all took courage in the fact that we were all there, and we were all interested in getting better, and we would all help each other any way we could. Continue reading →

Midlife Divorce Recovery

Helping Women Heal and Recover After a Midlife Divorce

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