Getting physically active with friends while enjoying nature is a triple-crown winner. You get physical, social and spiritual benefits all at once.

The reason to move is to reteach our bodies their loveliness.”  Geneen Roth in When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair.

When I speak or counsel or write about midlife divorce recovery, I almost always mention the importance of exercise.  Research from all over the place re-confirms the fact that exercise is good for us.  In both normal situations (like everyday life) and really stressful situations (like midlife divorce), exercise has a way of not only helping us physically, but it evens out our emotions as well.  Plus there are all those endorphins that start running around making us feel better and be more energetic and vigorous and optimistic and sleep better and all that.  Without question, exercise is therapeutic.  But as Geneen suggests we must stop battering ourselves and feeling guilty and telling ourselves “we’re not enough like we are” and that we need to be thinner or harder or stronger to be okay.  Here’s how Geneen ends her chapter on exercise:  “The new ads for The Body Shop say, ‘There are three billion women who don’t look like super-models and only eight who do.’  In the end moving your body is not about flat stomachs or thin thighs; it’s about being one of the three billion women on the planet who are lucky enough to have arms and legs that can surge with energy, to be warmed by the sun and slice through the wind and water.  Moving is about the fundamental joy and gratitude of being alive.  The rest is gravy.”  I agree wholeheartedly.  Celebrate the glory of being alive!  Put your head back.  Reach your arms up.  Laugh or shout ‘Thank You!’  Get up and move and truly embrace your body’s loveliness!!

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

Ten Essential Online Dating Safety Tips

Online dating is a good way to meet fantastic people who share your interests and passions.  Every year, tens of thousands of people get married as a result of meeting on an online dating service.  Millions of people are doing it and in general online dating is regarded as a safe medium for meeting potential dates.

Your online dating safety begins with educating yourself on how to improve your experience and be safe doing it.  Here are 10 tips to being safe during your online dating experience.

1. Trust Your Gut Instinct
Your instinct is a powerful medium for knowing when something doesn’t feel right. It is also a great way to measure when to move forward with someone and when to turn and run. As you read profiles, responses to emails, have phone conversations, and meet in person your instincts help tell you if something is “right” or if something is out of alignment. The “out of alignment” message is your cue to be careful, back off, or proceed with extreme caution. Trust your gut instinct, it’s the most powerful psychological tool you have at your disposal.

2. Don’t Provide Personal Information Too Soon
Your home phone number and full name provide easy ways to track who you are and where you live. Armed with just your home phone number, a person can easily gain access to your income information, home address, and even learn the value of your home. Armed with your first and last name, a person can do searches to determine quite a bit of information on you – where you work, what you do, and even what your home phone number is. So in the initial stages of communication, guard your personal information. As far as phone communication, see the next tip.

3. Use a Free Email Account
If you decide to move your communication from the anonymous email feature provided by the majority of online dating services then provide an email address that isn’t your regular one. Sign up for a free Yahoo!, Hotmail, or Gmail account that you use just for online dating. Don’t put your full name in the From field – only your first name or something else. This protects you from a person being able to search your normal email address to find out more information about you.

4. Use a Cell Phone or Anonymous Phone Service to Chat
When it’s time to move your communication to the next level (talking on the phone), never give out your home phone number. Either provide a cell phone number, use Skype to communicate, or use an anonymous phone service. It’s just an added protection barrier until you get to know the person better.

5. Beware of Married People
It’s unfortunate, but a lot of married people do use online dating services. They’ll even go as far as to meet people. A few years ago, MSNBC reported that a study found that up to 30% of people using online dating services are married! To help you in determining whether a person is married or not, read the Online Dating Magazine article, “Staying Clear of Married Men“.

6. Look for Questionable Characteristics in Your Communication
As you chat via email and on the phone you may be able to start to pick out characteristics of the other person. Are they controlling? Do they seem to anger easily? Do they avoid some of your questions? These can be questionable characteristics that tell you it’s time to move on.

7. Ask for a Recent Photo
There’s nothing wrong in asking someone if their photos are recent. If they don’t have a photo, request a recent one. It’s important for you to get a good look at the person you may eventually meet. Plus your instincts from your communications and their photos may provide you with valuable insight into the person. Plus, if they tell you the photo is recent and you meet and see a major difference, then you’ll know the person lied and can cut the date short. If a person lies about their photo or profile then that is a red flag to no longer pursue the relationship.

8. Stick With Paid Online Dating Services
Free online dating services provide a greater opportunity for potentially dangerous individuals. They don’t ever have to provide a credit card or other information that identifies them. There is some truth to the saying, “you get what you pay for”.

9. Don’t Get a False Sense of Security
Some online dating services claim to offer “background checks” and when signing up for such a service you may find it easier to let your guard down. Don’t. Laws differ from state-to-state when it comes to background checks and there are even several states where checks can’t be effectively performed. Because of the inconsistency, criminals/wrong doers can and do get into services that do “background checks”. Never let your guard down.

10. Meet in a Public Place for Your First Meeting
When it’s time to schedule that first exciting face-to-face meeting, arrange to meet in a public place and provide your own transportation. Your initial meeting will tell you a lot about the other person, including whether or not he/she lied in their profile. Your gut instincts will kick in. Never accept an offer to be picked up at your house. Make sure that a friend knows where you are at and who you are with.

By following these tips, you’ll help protect yourself from being an easy prey to someone who may have ulterior motives. With an average of 100+ marriages a day from online dating, you can see that the experience can be both safe and rewarding. Keep it safe!

From www.onlinedatingmagazine.com

“In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.” ~ Margaret Atwood

In the Midwest, by the time spring gets here I am more than ready. I am ready to get my hands in the dirt and start planting something. We used to have a yard where we grew lots of vegetables every year – corn, beans, peas, radishes, lettuces, spinach, onions, okra and especially tomatoes. There is just nothing like the taste of a red, warm tomato right out of the garden! And it all starts with getting in “the dirt.” I agree with Margaret Atwood, that there is a wonderful, rich, earthy smell when you’re digging in the dirt getting ready to plant something. But you know, getting in the dirt means getting dirty and sweaty and actively putting the seeds in their places. What seeds are you planting today? What dirt are you digging in? What is your harvest going to be? As I try to keep in my head all the time, “We reap what we sow.” That is an immutable, unwavering law of the universe. It’s always true –  without exception.  So as we are at the beginning of this incredible season of the year, hopefully this weekend you can go to a garden store and get some dirt and some seeds. If you don’t have a yard, plant a pot full of lettuce or herbs or marigolds or whatever you want. If you can’t plant a garden, get a big pot and plant some flowers. It’s okay to buy some annuals already blooming if you want to, but there is something spiritual about putting a tiny little seed in a container of dirt and in the end, getting some fresh, bright, green growing thing. That process still encourages me. It gives me hope. It reassures me that the right things I do now will bring a harvest of joy. So this Easter/Passover Weekend, let’s all take a trip to the garden center and get something to plant, and then let’s watch the miracle begin. Think about the miracles that are happening in your new life. Sometimes the most amazing things happen in the dirt where we can’t see them. So be patient! But keep watching.  Expect the miracle.  Expect life.  Real life.

“Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God.  What a person plants, he will harvest.  The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others — ignoring God! — harvests a crop of weeds!  But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.”  Galatians 6:7-8

“A fundamental sign of mental health is one’s realization that life is hard.” ~ Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled



I am an optimist by nature. Sometimes to a fault. I am so eager to see the good in people and things that some say I am unrealistic and naïve. But the more I study optimism, the more I am convinced that being basically optimistic is a better way to live than expecting the worst at every turn. At the same time, as Scott Peck reminds us, we all know in our gut that “life is hard.” Life is full of sadness, tears, troubles and pain. We cannot ignore that fact. Not only Scott Peck, but also many religions say that the key to peace of mind is to understand and accept that truth. At the very beginning of my own midlife divorce recovery, I was not optimistic that my life would ever be very good again. I tried to be upbeat, but in my heart of hearts I thought I would always carry around this kernel of pain in the middle of my chest and in the back of my mind where no one could see it but me. And, I’ll admit, even years later, occasionally when I see my wasband, I wonder what went wrong. But it’s not a smoldering pain. It’s not a hurt anymore. It’s a realization that hard things happen in this life regardless of our best efforts. It’s also a realization that the heartache we experience can bring power and a potential for good. The key is to make sure that we let the pain that we face refine us instead of destroy us. The agonizing hurt of my divorce absolutely made me a better, more caring, more fulfilled person than I would have been had my life never experienced any real soul-expanding difficulty. Life is even more precious now. Joys are fuller. A desire to help others is more demanding. The light of the lessons I’ve learned shines on its own without so much effort on my part. God definitely has used my pain for gain. In more ways than I can even count. Let your distress drive you closer to God. Try to see what you can learn that will make the big picture of your life even brighter. Life is hard. But the lessons we learn from pain are sometimes the most enlightening, empowering lessons of all.

“You let this distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss. Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, and end up on a deathbed of regrets.”
~ 2 Corinthians 9-10 (The Message)