“Once you train yourself not to take matters personally and control your emotional responses, you will have placed yourself in a position of tremendous power.” ~ The 48 Laws of Power by Green and Elffers
Midlife Divorce makes us angry; and it should. Anger is our recognition that our boundaries have been violated. Many of our wasbands had affairs, were deceitful and untruthful, and seemed completely unconcerned about the devastation created by their actions; we have a right to be angry.
In my divorce recovery work over the years, dealing with anger is often one of the most pressing challenges to moving forward. The 48 Laws of Power talks a lot about learning to control our emotions, but especially anger. It reads: “In the face of a hot-headed enemy, finally, an excellent response is no response. Follow the Talleyrand tactic: Nothing is as infuriating as a man who keeps his cool while others are losing theirs. If it will work to your advantage, affect the aristocratic, bored pose, neither mocking nor triumphant, but simply indifferent. When they embarrass themselves with a tantrum (or by being unreasonable), you will have gained several victories, one of these being that in the face of their childishness, you have maintained your dignity and composure.”
Maintaining dignity and composure was not easy for me. I often acted anything but dignified, and in the end, my emotional outbursts accomplished nothing. So I’m going to try to remember this Law of Power in all of my encounters as I move forward. It’s inevitable that we will all find things in our lives to be angry about. The key is to remain objective, control our anger and let the other person make himself look foolish.
“But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” ~ Colossians 3:8 (NIV)