Divorce despair safeguards

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Divorce despair safeguards

I don’t even know whether I should talk about this today.  I know most of the women on this site have a plate full of sadness, discouragement and devastation.  I don’t want to add to that, but I’m worried.

Last week, a 60-something year old man killed himself in his home at the end of our cul-de-sac.  We often exchanged conversation at the mailbox … he was a God-follower.

I just got an e-mail from my daughter who teaches high school English.  She had one of her students come in and return a book this morning and the student looked sad, so my daughter asked what was the matter.  Her brother had hung himself in his closet last night at 8:45.  My daughter said, “I feel sick to my stomach.”  I do, too.

I’m telling you this simply because I want everyone to know that as sad and as depressed as anyone reading this might feel, every life has value.  We each as a person have value.  We were each created by God for a purpose and we are loved beyond all measure and beyond all doubt.  Regardless of our life situation at this moment, we matter.  God sees every tear and knows our heartache and will sustain us no matter what.  He wants us to show our children that life always is worth living and that hope cannot be defeated.  That joy is still possible no matter what.  Do not let one dumb person destroy who we are and the beautiful future waiting for us.  No matter what anyone else does to us, our life  is precious and always, always, always worth living.  We need to pass that along to our children.  We need to demonstrate that to those we love.  And we need to reach out to those who are struggling and suffering and get involved. Soon you will see life with new eyes of joy and beauty and contentment and you will understand that God’s promises of a life beyond our wildest dreams are true and can be trusted.

I read in the Wall Street Journal this morning that baby boomers especially are entering divinity school at record numbers.  We are becoming social workers and psychologists and starting organizations to help foster children or help breast cancer patients or starting businesses to support others and be encouragers in all kinds of ways.  We are created to help.

One thing this divorce does is make us more aware of the suffering of others.  You will have more opportunity to help and encourage others than ever before because they know you have suffered and struggled, and you can relate.  That gives us a great open door to reach out and say to someone else, “You can do this!  I will help you.  I will share what I have learned.”  Be willing to say something.  Be willing to send a card or call someone to go to lunch.

Here’s another thing.  We finally have a program available for individuals or psychologists or social organizations or churches or parishes that will allow you to start R.A.D.I.C.A.L. support groups to help women going through divorce.  In the package is everything you need to get the program up and running.  If you are in the Kansas City area, I will meet with you personally to get a program going in your church.   If you are out of the area, we are available by phone or internet to answer any questions or to give you advice and direction in getting your program started. We need to recognize the need to help and then do something.  Even if it’s out of our comfort zone.  Even if we don’t know if we can do it.  I’ve found that God blesses our efforts when we step out in faith.  Especially if you are a bit farther along, step up.  Suggest it to your church.  I will contact them.

Also, you can get resources for yourself to help you get through this.  The MasterPlan is full of encouragement and gives you concrete strategies to deal with the sadness and anger.  It also allows you some complimentary one-on-one mentoring.

Another resource is simply to join us in the MDRcommunity.com.  You have access to other women who are going through divorce and understand where you are.  They will encourage you and share what they’ve learned.  We can all get through this together.  Be willing to share encouragement with others.  You can also get my Radical Recovery which is packed full of proven recovery tools.

These things I am talking about are not just products, they are a way to reach out and help others (and you feel better yourself).  This stuff I’ve been doing the last ten years is designed to help you discover your very best and most joyful self.  Trying to go through divorce alone is very hard.  I know that from experience.  That’s why I do this ministry.  We are all here to help …  To give you tools and resources to get this behind you and start creating a life of joy and goodness and power and showing others how to do the same thing.  And to see how God wants to use your life now.

Everyone reading this should have someone to call when you get discouraged.  And be willing to tell someone else they can call you if they get discouraged.  Make a list of three people you can contact at any time of the night or day.

We’re all in this together.  Please do not ever hesitate to contact me or someone in the community.  Don’t wait ’til you’re desperate.  Let’s all vow to each other that we will use what we’re going through to learn things and find new strength and to trust God on a deeper level than ever before and to be open to encouraging others who need our help, too.  By helping others, we get better, too.  I see that over and over again in the RADICAL support groups, in the MDRcommunity.

Your life matters.  You are precious.  You have a purpose that God has prepared you for. If we can help you fulfill that purpose in some way, let us know.  If we can help in any other way, let us know.

“What a wonderful God we have — he is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials.  And why does he do this?  So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us.”  2 Corinthians 1:3,4

 

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she’s been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

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