Divorce, the other woman and Barbie

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Divorce, the other woman and Barbie

At the beginning of my midlife divorce storm, it was distressing that his girlfiend (yes, girlfiend) was skinny and blonde and younger than me. And I was sure she didn’t have any cellulite.  In fact, I saw her once in short shorts, and to my dismay, she didn’t have any cellulite.  But here’s something that made me feel better in light of that fact:  SARK, who is author of Succulent Wild Women, a speaker and also an incest survivor had this to say:  “I also think if we could get cellulite put onto Barbie Dolls it would help a lot with self-acceptance.”

Cellulite!  Ugh!  I have it, and I wish I didn’t.  But here’s the deal:  I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.  Life’s too short!  In SARK’s book, she has a whole section called, “The Terror of Cellulite.”  I think it’s our society’s whole Barbie-body mentality. And we’re still passing that along to the next generation.  In the press, doctors and psychologists have talked for years about how unhealthy it is to have those pencil thin waifs modeling clothes that REAL women could never wear.  But there they still are, at every new spring or fall fashion runway show.  THOSE ARE NOT NORMAL WOMEN!  AND ALL OF THOSE PICTURES IN THE MAGAZINES HAVE THE WRINKLES REMOVED AND THE EXTRA INCHES EVERYWHERE AIRBRUSHED OFF!  And those women can’t enjoy a piece of pie without doing some gross thing to get rid of it before it does any damage.

So here’s SARK’s suggestion:  “Let’s laugh at cellulite!  Start a cellulite acceptance club.  Find ways to make friends with it.  I realize that cellulite has stuck by me all these years — it must have something to offer.”

I’m never going to like cellulite, but let’s learn to be happy with ourselves no matter how we look.  Get in shape!  Be healthy! Be strong!  Be vigorous!  Be carefree and confident and content!  Change the things you can change, but let’s stop obsessing about things that can’t be changed.  There are more worthy adventures to be involved with than worrying about every little flaw.  And, by the way, confidence is the sexiest thing there is!

Here’s something else: my wasband didn’t end up with that blonde, skinny unfaithful woman after not being able to do without her for more than three years.  I guess there was something else.  For some men, there will always be something else.  His dissatisfaction was (and still is) his responsibility, not yours.  But if you’re dissatisfied with yourself, that’s  your responsibility!  Do something about it.  God made you the woman you are. Keep getting better and moving forward and be happy with yourself as you go … dimples and all!

“I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty.  Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”  Romans 4:12-13 (The Message)

By |May 16th, 2014|Today's Blog|Comments Off on Divorce, the other woman and Barbie

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.