Father’s Day

Father’s Day

“To be intimate with a married man, when my own father cheated on my mother, is not something I could forgive. I could not look at myself in the morning if I did that. I wouldn’t be attracted to a man who would cheat on his wife.” ~ Angelina Jolie

Because Father’s Day is this weekend, many of you are probably dealing with feelings of guilt and sadness about what has been lost in your children’s lives. One important thing to remember, however, is that it’s not your responsibility to “fix” Father’s Day for your wasband.

You most likely have spent many Father’s Days making sure every thing was perfect for your husband; encouraging your children to do things to make their fathers feel loved and appreciated. That’s not your responsibility now, especially if your children are grown. I think it is perfectly appropriate for divorced mothers with young children to help their children express wishes to their father, but once your children are older, as most of ours are, that is their decision. You need to be detached from that as much as possible.

Today, concentrate on your own father. Your Dad. My Dad died in January. The week before he died I got to spend some time with him and I had a chance to tell him directly just how important he had been in my life. I listed many things that had been meaningful throughout the years. I’m not sure he understood what I said, but in my heart I think he did. If your father is still alive, call him, write him a letter (he won’t mind if it’s a few days late) or tell him face to face how important he is to you. If you need to, fix things that are mendable with your own father.

Lastly, don’t fret if your children want to spend time with their father. Let them know that you are okay whatever they decide. Your children are probably struggling with figuring out all sorts of new issues, so make that as easy as you can for them. If you’re a God person, spend some time with Him. He is the Father who will never fail you… or your children.

“A righteous man who walks in integrity — how blessed are his sons (children) after him.” ~ Proverbs 20:7 (NASB)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

2 Comments

  1. Bibekananda August 6, 2012 at 7:57 am - Reply

    Emotionally, mentally and pciyshal exhausting, grief for the loss of the person but they are still there, depression and anxiety, fear for the future, paranoia about almost anything, shock, anger, loneliness and isolation., loss of confidence and self esteem then the dirty tactics start, you realise any promises made whatever they may be will not be kept. Then the solicitor you appoint to help you get a fair share, totals up all the matrimonial assets and then know exactly what you can afford to pay for their services leaving you with little or nothing and expects you to be grateful, you realise that yours’ and their’ solicitors are working hand in hand prior to court not to get the best deal for their client but to barter for an agreement and if one party won’t budge on something at all and demands simple clauses like not being contacted at work or having their employers contacted before they agree, what it really means is that when they fail to pay court awarded maintenance, you have to spend 8 years fighting a clause before you can get an Attachment of Earnings order ( which involves contacting their employer)Oh boy is it stressful, if you survive and if you do you may still end up a gibbering wreck or an alcoholic or addicted to perscription medication or just not trusting anyone, so it totally changes your outlook, your relationships and in my case a total fear of any type of commitent.It isn’t long before you realise that court orders and judgements mean nothing and will not be honoured by your ex or soon to be ex and the courts will do little or nothing about it .and that legal justice is non existent.You notice married friends keeping away thinking you are all of a sudden after their husbands, people crossing the street so they don’t have to speak to you, invites from friends drop off so more paranoia sets in and so you avoid them.My ex told our kids, I had cheated throughout our 24 year marriage several times and he had always forgiven me but I never had, I never even thought about anyone else but him, I loved him to bits, but he put enough doubt in their mind, reminding them of times ( a week or two) he was not at home when they were younger, saying he had left me several times because of my affairs, the reality was he was away on business and we spoke everyday on the phone .and I could go on.10 years on I have never gone out with another guy, it frightens me to death, he re-married 2 months after the divorce the girlfriend he told the kids he met after he left me, reality is he was setting up a new home 6 months prior to leaving me, re-mortgaging our paid for home and hiding the money in new accounts he set up, emptying our joint bank accounts, forging my signature on our share certificates and cashing them in, selling our second home, emptying our childrens trust accounts you name it he did it, all to stop me getting anything, yet it was all my money which purchased our first home. if you want to get away with criminal activity it is easy to do it when you are divorcing as it is a civil case and you just haven’t got the energy or the money to fight a criminal case and because of the divorce the police and the CPS just don’t want to know ..and when the court awarded me the house because of his deceptivenss, it means you sell it, then pay off the mortgage ( he took out and hid) and get the very little left which goes to pay solicitors fees , so you end up with nothing.I had two friends who listened, gave me a shoulder to cry on ( when I had the energy) they accepted me whatever mood I was in, whatever I ranted about, arranged simple things like a pub meal or paid for an eyelash tint, they would sit and listen for hours and bless them smile and welcome me everytime I called, they encouraged me to fight and not give up and gave me some hope that I was not totally mad however bad it looked or sounded, they believed in me they were real GOLD friends.Just be there, listen and believe in your friend.

    • Dina October 19, 2012 at 3:46 am - Reply

      Hi,Lately I Have been wondering why pelpoe divorce eachother and why there are so many unsuccessful relationships in the west.I live in India and there are’nt many divorces here..My grandparents have been married for 60 years and are still happy,together.My parents have been married for 30+ years and am sure they will stay together for the rest of their lives.I am not saying these marriages are perfect.I have witnessed horrible fights .. But at the end of the day, one of them compromises.Lately, divorces have become more frequent in India too.Don’t you think our elders are setting a bad example for us..I am 23 years old and am allready skeptical about marriage and I am sure a lot of pelpoe all over the world feel the same way..Is there a way we can find a solution to this ??

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