Finding Me Again

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Finding Me Again

Loss of Identity

I started thinking about how controlled my life had been during my 18 years of marriage. The more I pondered it, the more I realized that I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Looking back, the years all blended together. I had become a robot simply going through the motions of life, living a very controlled existence. Somewhere along the way I had become numb and lost myself.

Discovering Myself

On my own now, I needed and desperately wanted to find me again. I started thinking of all the things I wasn’t allowed to do for 18 years with the intent of making positive changes in my life – and hopefully discovering me again. One item on my list led to another and before I knew it my list just grew and grew. I found this to be very freeing in so many ways:

  •  I can make breakfast for dinner.
  •  I can listen to music, any music, whenever I want and however loudly I choose.
  •  I don’t have to be afraid of being  criticized for every picture I take or edit I do.
  •  I can watch whatever I want to on TV.
  •  I can go to church where I want to go.
  •  I don’t have to go to church.
  •  I can sleep-in.
  •  I can wear what I want, when I want; slinky, low cut, bright red, leather, or go out in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.
  •  I can buy or rent any movie I choose.
  •  I can change my mind 300 times on any given subject.
  •  I can make a big deal out of Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter and go overboard with decorating.
  •  I can buy a real Christmas tree.
  •  I can choose to discuss or not discuss religion and politics.
  •  I can surround myself with uplifting and positive people and rid my life of the negative ones.
  •  I can be friends with someone regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.
  •  I can say no.
  •  I can say yes.
  •  I can buy organic and all-natural food items.
  •  I don’t have to balance the checkbook.
  •  I don’t have to be seen and not heard.
  •  I don’t have to have sex unless I want to.
  •  I can order a veggie-only pizza.
  •  I don’t have to sleep in another room when I’m sick.
  •  I can talk to the mailman without being told that I’m flirting.
  •  I can go to movies.
  •  I can go to concerts.
  •  I can go dancing with my girlfriends.
  •  I can go away for the weekend.
  •  I don’t have to look over my shoulder constantly if another man strikes up a perfectly innocent conversation with me.
  •  No more private or public humiliation.
  •  No more forced conversations.
  •  For the sake of keeping peace, I don’t have to say “yes” when I mean “no” and vice versa.
  •  I don’t have to put on a happy face when I’m sad.
  •  I can confide in anyone I choose.

Don’t Give Up!

If you’ve lost yourself along the way, I encourage you to find out who you are. There is so much life to live and we need to be who God created us to be; strong, capable, independent thinkers, full of life!

~Molly, RADiCAL sister

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

2 Comments

  1. occhiblu September 28, 2012 at 2:43 am - Reply

    LOVE IT!

    I have been sleeping with the windows open since my soon-to-be wasbund kicked me out. And I have been amazed at how much my self-esteem and competency have increased since I’ve stopped living with someone who criticized my every move.

  2. Suzy February 11, 2017 at 5:33 pm - Reply

    An important part of recovery is figuring out who we are and what we want and then making choices to get the life we want! So liberating!

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