Tag Archives: divorce healing

Try this today – it’s so worth it

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A simple act of kindness can change someone's day. Try it today and see what happens. It's amazing ... and addicting!

A simple act of kindness can change someone’s day. Try it today and see what happens. It’s amazing, addicting and it makes life sparkle in all kinds of ways!

“Life would be much more exciting if each of us left a trail of ‘little sparks of appreciation’ along our way.”
David Dunn, author of Try Giving Yourself Away

It’s so simple to show appreciation. Look at all the people you come in contact with in a day. They are all human beings like you with problems, sorrows, joys, frustrations. You have no idea the obstacles and challenges they may be facing every day. What a difference it makes to simply be appreciative and try to connect with another real live person. Continue reading →

Retreating and Hiding is Okay Temporarily

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It's okay to retreat and regroup temporarily. In fact, doing exactly what we want to do for a day may give us time and restore energy to get back into the fight. But the hiding and retreating must be temporary. Set time boundaries and stick to them. P.S. More than a weekend is usually too long!

It’s okay to retreat and regroup temporarily. In fact, doing exactly what we want to do for a day can give us renewed energy to get back into the fight. NOTE:  The hiding and retreating must be temporary. Set time boundaries and stick to them. P.S. More than a weekend is usually too long!

“We are wired as humans to be open to the world instead of enclosed in a fortified, defensive mentality. What your giving can do is to help your readers be braver, be better than they are, be open to the world again.”
Anne Lamott, Bestselling author

I know after a midlife divorce, the tendency is to curl up in the fetal position, pull the covers over your head and hope for the hurt to go away. And some days, it’s okay to give yourself permission to retreat and hide. Continue reading →

A Whack on the Side of the Head

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WhackHead

When change is forced upon us we can either eventually look at it as an opportunity to explore new life directions or we can dive into the pit of bitterness, sadness and self-pity. Which will you choose?

“…By adopting a creative outlook you open yourself up both to new possibilities and to change.”
Roger von Oech, author of A Whack on the Side of the Head

As Roger von Oech says, “a whack on the side of the head” can come in many forms. Sometimes it’s losing a job or breaking your leg so you have to see things from a new, less mobile perspective … or for us a midlife divorce. A sudden life-change can force us into thinking in new ways about almost everything. See that as an opportunity and not a defeat. Creative thinking can be called into service to help us break out of old, inappropriate habits and spur us to try sometimes scary, “outside the box” thinking. Creativity can be enhanced simply by taking a new way to work, or brushing your teeth with your left hand (if you’re a righty) or learning a new skill. Continue reading →

Mourning

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You can find joy all around you again. And the journey you've been on makes it all the sweeter.

You can find joy all around you again. And the journey you’ve been on makes it all the sweeter.

“But in spite of setbacks, recurrences and the sense that our sorrow keeps doubling back on itself, there is an end to mourning, to even the seemingly most inconsolable mourning …”
Judith Viorst, author of Necessary Losses

It seems recently that Sandy Hook, the Boston bombing, the trial of the abortionist from Philadelphia bring mourning back into focus. And there are the personal sadnesses all of us face in our particular life situations.  If you’re living life fully and with love, mourning is always involved. Continue reading →

Ready to date? teleconference

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You may not feel ready to date yet, but for future use, take a look at this upcoming telesummit.

You may not feel ready to date yet, but to get some great information for future use, take a look at this upcoming telesummit.

“There is no better time for your new beginning. If not now, then when? We are each caretakers of our new beginnings.”
SARK

Sometimes new beginnings are forced on us, and we fight them. I know I did. I didn’t want to start a new life … I thought I wanted my old life. But I found out that life goes on, with or without us, so we may as well decide that if a new beginning has been forced on us, we better get on the train, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. Once you realize that this new life is ahead of you and you have the choice about whether to make the best of it or whether you are going to continue agonizing over and ranting over what has been left behind, you can begin to move forward. We all have the choice, so today lets make the choice for seeing our situation as a bright new potential-filled adventure instead of a dark, sad road. Mourn as you must, but then put your head up and your shoulders back and get on the train!

“Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. they are new every morning…”
Lamentations 3:22-23 (NIV)

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Hey all you R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women –

You may not feel like you’re ready to jump back into the dating world, but this series of interviews might be something you want to take advantage of for future reference.  It’s the “Mr. Wrong to Mr. Right: 10 Super Successful Strategies to Dating with Confidence after Divorce” Expert Interview Series” and it’s going to start next week and I think it would be great to check it out.  You can listen in the comfort and privacy of your own home and it’s FREE!

Judith Joshel, founder of Mr. Wrong to Mr. Right, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Dating with Confidence after Divorce, has assembled 10 dating coaches and experts who teach women how to feel and look their best and how to find and successfully date wonderful men. These experts will share their insights with you on how to ease back into dating and start attracting and confidently dating men who are just right for you.

Judith asked me to take part in this  special event that will give you some helpful information before you get started on that exhilerating/terrifying dating again road! My interview will be aired on Thursday, March 21st – 10:00 am. Pacific/1 p.m. Eastern.  As you can see, There are others you can tune into as well.

You can sign up below. I have not heard any of the interviews – except my own of course –  but the cast of characters and the topics sound great.

http://www.mrwrongtomrright.com/telesummitregistration.html

Here’s a small sample of what will be shared during the F*R*E*E 10 Super Successful Strategies to Dating with Confidence after Divorce” Interview Series that kicks off next week:

***How to Transform Yourself after Divorce & Attract Great Men into Your Life

***How to Use Laughter to Heal Yourself and to Attract Wonderful Men

***How to Recognize Good Men Who are Perfect for You

***How to Approach Online Dating

***How to Feel and Look Your Very Best & Become a Magnet for Great Men

***How to Communicate Effectively with Men You Date

***And Much, Much More!

To learn all about the  Mr. Wrong to Mr. Right: 10 Super Successful Strategies to Dating with Confidence after Divorce Telesummit including the full list of topics and experts, just go here and sign up.  Remember, there is absolutely NO cost and you can participate from anywhere in the world!

http://www.mrwrongtomrright.com/telesummitregistration.html

If you can’t click on the link above, simply copy and paste it in your browser.

Take care,

Suzy Brown

P.S. You will have access to every single call along with over $1,000 in free  bonuses, but you must sign up to receive the call details.  “See” you there!

http://www.mrwrongtomrright.com/telesummitregistration.html

Is he domineering?

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Having our opinions continually marginalized is a form of quiet abuse. Made to feel that we are being unreasonable or domineering or not very smart erodes self confidence after a while. Learning to confidently stand up for ourselves is important in any relationship. Let's remember that moving forward.

Having our opinions continually marginalized is a form of quiet abuse. Made to feel that we are being unreasonable or domineering or not very smart erodes self confidence after a while. Learning to confidently stand up for ourselves is important in any relationship. Let’s remember that moving forward.

“When you are under the domination of others you degenerate into something less than a complete person.” ~ Secret Mental Powers by Frank Rudolph Young

I found Frank Young’s decades-old-book on my Dad’s bookshelf.   I discovered a chapter entitled “The Secret Mental Power to Protect Yourself from Domination by Others.” He actually is ‘right on’ about some of his observations. Listen to this and see if you can relate to how your wasband treated (and may still be treating) you. “When you are dominated by someone, your best thinking and behavior are submerged and allowed to rise back only to the level to which your dominator will permit. Your whole make-up is enslaved to his whims and fancies and is subservient to his moods. Since he will consider you only as a good-natured robot with half the intelligence he has, he treats you like one and converts you into such a creature because your physiological language attunes itself to that state.” Continue reading →

The Power of Dignity During Divorce

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Dignity during divorce is a challenge, but is much more attractive and powerful than ranting, raving and grovelling.

“Dignity, in fact, is invariably the mask to assume under difficult circumstances:  It is as if nothing can affect you, and you have all the time in the world to respond.  This is an extremely powerful pose.”  The 14 Laws of Power by Robert Green and Joose Elfers

During my midlife divorce, there were times I did not act with dignity.  In looking back, I let my emotions completely take over, and I acted more like an adolescent than a self-confident, competent, good woman.  I was so devastated by the fact that my wasband didn’t want me, that I became someone who lost site of who I really am.  I was angry and sad and devastated and bitter and all of those useful, but after too long, ugly emotions.  A better strategy, as Robert Green and Joose Elfers recommend, would have been to have maintained my composure, my dignity, my confidence no matter what ridiculous things my wasband was doing.  I think when we start ranting and raving and begging that they come home or constantly keep trying to get answers from them or try to find out what they are doing, that we become weak and pathetic ourselves.  They are the ones who are acting in wrong and deceitful ways, yet we are the ones who are usually groveling around begging them to come back to us.  Don’t degrade yourself because he has made the choice to live an ugly, pitiful life.  Have confidence in yourself and in God.  As long as your wasband has you in his grips of sadness and anger and groveling, he is in complete control.  He chose to have his sorry, embarrassing life. You are worth infinitely more than all the rubies and gold and diamonds in all the world.  Don’t waste your time on someone who has made destructive choices and hurt so many, many people by his selfish and self-centered actions, and yet somehow still tries to make it your fault.  Don’t go there.  Take your time.  Be dignified.  Make choices that are good for you.  He has made his choice.  Now you calmly, confidently and with dignity make yours.

“As for me and my family, we will worship God.”  Joshua 24:15b

Being who we really are after divorce

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Being completely our best selves means laughing out loud … full and free and fun! Don’t postpone joy! Especially now. Grab it from anywhere you can.

“Growing as wild women involves breaking out of cages, boxes, stereotypes, categories, and captivity.  It involves standing tall, laughing loudly, and being who we really are.”  SARK – Author of  Succulent Wild Woman

Growing is uncomfortable and scary and feels perilous. Especially when someone we love tells us by his actions that we aren’t “good enough,”  growing is fraught with fear.  But all growth and positive change involves stepping out into the wild unknown.  The more we practice being bold and brave, the better we get at courageous, beautiful change.  Even though I didn’t feel like I was in a cage or a box in my marriage, I know that I had certain boundaries that defined who I was.  I was Mrs. Someone.  Now, after divorce, we have to redefine who we are and what we want in life.  And it’s not until we get solidly in our mind that we want to be all God created us to be, that we can actually become that woman.  I loved my role as wife.  I wanted to help my wasband.  So when he said he didn’t want my help, I was devastated.  But I want all of us to learn that as noble and wonderful as helping someone accomplish their dreams was, now it’s time for us to find and flesh out our own dreams.  We were created for something spectacular and some of that has already been accomplished.  But now, we can move on to fireworks of our own.  Fulfillment of our own.  A fabulous future of our own … and we can take whomever we choose with us.  Those we love and touch will be pulled along by our excitement and enthusiasm.  We will encourage each person we meet to find their own succulence because of our rich, full, life.  As SARK says, “We must insist on succulence.  Our life is too rich and rare to settle on less.”    Start practicing succulence today!

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary, we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!”    Romans 5:3-6  (The Message)

Enough is enough: Guest blog

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The most important thing that has helped me heal from the pain of my divorce:

Knowing I am Enough

The hardest issue for me in my divorce was my feeling that my wasband chose not to work on our relationship but to leave me because I was not enough, that if I had been more (beautiful, exciting)….. he would have (stayed, worked harder on our relationship, loved me more)….

So most helpful for me has been to really learn & accept that I am whole already; I am enough.  God created me whole, enough before birth.  I will die whole & enough.  All my experiences on my journey don’t add to nor diminish my wholeness.

Love is the light that illuminates my way so I can see and embrace my wholeness.  Self love is the constant light and God’s love is inherently unconditional and constant.  I do not need to be more perfect to love myself or for God to love me; I am fully lovable already.  He is with me always.  At times I am more aware and accepting of my wholeness than at other times.  I am free to choose to feel and accept it to a greater degree at any time.  Others love me as they can, but their love is not as important as my own self love and as God’s love.  Trust in others’ love and be open and accepting of it, but know that it is flawed, as is human nature.

My trust was betrayed by my significant other.  While his choice hurt me, it did not diminish me, who I am or make me not enough.  This choice was made by him and is about him.

I choose to place my trust in God who created me and loves me beyond measure.

So we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love.  Whoever lives in love, lives in God and God in him.    I John 4:16

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.   Buddha

Submitted by Brenda

After the explosion of divorce

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Fireworks: Breathtaking beauty after a huge explosion. Like divorce. Hang in there. The good part is coming. Be ready!

“Watch.  Wait.  Time will unfold and fulfill its purpose.  While we wait, we must not go unconscious.  We must think and grow.  Rejoice and dream, kneel and pray.” Marianne Williamson

In the middle of my divorce, sometimes I wanted to just go unconscious. I was in so much pain I was having trouble dealing with the reality of what was happening.  While we are trying to recover from a midlife divorce, we are often just washing around in a wild, uncontrolled sea of erratic emotions.  Time seems to stop.  As we try to figure out who we are and what our new life is going to be, we often become zombies just trying to survive from day to day. We walk around in a fog of disbelief and disappointment, fear and worry and more sadness than we can assimilate.  We are afraid to think very much because we’re afraid we might discover a cave of grief that we can never find our way out of.  As hard as it is to realize, this time is very important time.  Even as we are overcome with grief, important work is going on.  We are growing even though we think our real life has stopped.  We slowly learn to rejoice in those very, very small things that keep us tied to this world because we feel as if all the big things of our life have been destroyed.  We definitely are driven to our knees because the earthly solutions have failed, and all we know is to fall on our knees or our faces and cry out for comfort and some sort of answers to questions we can’t even put into words. I know all these things are true because I’ve been there.  But I am far enough away from those days that I know the other part of Marianne Williamson’s quote is also true.  “Time will unfold and fulfill its purpose.”  I think it’s purpose during those early dark days is to give you space to discover who you really are and what your best life is all about.  The lessons you eventually learn, though often agonizingly difficult while in process, make you strong and acutely aware of all the glories and beauties of this journey called “Your life.” Watch and wait.  Cry when you need to.  Grieve fully.  Then your purpose will become clear and your light and your life will shine brighter than you ever dreamed.

Every Friday night when our city’s baseball team is in town (Kansas City), they have  fireworks after the game.  See if this analogy helps:  See yourself right now in that “dead” time after the thump of the send-off of  The Monster Big Bubba Bomb… in a few seconds you’ll see and hear and feel the dazzling explosion of light and color.  That’s going to be you …  your new life.    Just Watch.

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust him and he will do this:  He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.”  Psalm 37:11