Be patient after separation and divorce. Don’t get involved in another relationship too soon. It can lead to more disastrous consequences besides waking up with a rose in your teeth!
“Never get involved with a flamenco dancer, no matter how gorgeous, whether he is from New Jersey or Peru.” From Normal Is Just A Setting On The Dryer
Some of you may be at the point of starting to think about a new relationship after your divorce. Some of you may be so lonely that you might get into a relationship that you know you shouldn’t. Some may be at the point where you, as one woman in my first RADiCAL group said, “I would like to just put a bag over my head and a bag over some guy’s head and just have a good ‘night in bed!’ (–not her exact phrase!) I was married for 33 years. That meant sex whenever I wanted it. But when you are suddenly divorced, you hunger for that part of a relationship. The companionship. The physical sharing. The closeness. Normal, natural, every-day wonderful sex. Continue reading →
None of us have time to waste being unhappy. We have to grieve. That’s a given; but eventually, we can choose happiness again … and usually, the sooner the better.
“I don’t think we have time to waste being unhappy.” Helen in Everyday Sacred by Sue Bender
The Helen quoted in the book above had just lost her house and everything in it to a fire. She had not, however, lost her attitude that something good could come from every circumstance of life … even something as devastating as losing all of her earthly possessions. She went on to say that the fire had made her more aware of what really matters in life, and that one of the gifts of the fire experience was that it “fine tunes my attitude about the remainder of my life.” Continue reading →
You can find joy all around you again. And the journey you’ve been on makes it all the sweeter.
“But in spite of setbacks, recurrences and the sense that our sorrow keeps doubling back on itself, there is an end to mourning, to even the seemingly most inconsolable mourning …”
Judith Viorst, author of Necessary Losses
It seems recently that Sandy Hook, the Boston bombing, the trial of the abortionist from Philadelphia bring mourning back into focus. And there are the personal sadnesses all of us face in our particular life situations. If you’re living life fully and with love, mourning is always involved. Continue reading →
“However troublesome changes may be as we are living through them, we are almost always surprised in retrospect at the positive outcomes these negative situations bring.” Dennis Wholey in The Miracle of Change
Midlife divorce is more than troublesome. It’s almost funny to think of our divorce as merely troublesome. All the changes I was forced to make during my divorce were in my opinion at the time devastating. Catastrophic. Gut-wrenching. Security destroying. And, now, many years out, I have to add … transformational. One of the writers I have been reading lately makes the point that change that is thrust upon us unexpectedly can have the most profound effect upon us. None of us will usually change much on our own. The most growth comes when we are thrown into change without our consent. Most R.A.D.I.C.A.L Women are in that terrifying position. Huge change has been dropped on you, and most of you couldn’t do anything about it. But there’s a blessing in that. Little changes can move us slightly in one direction or another. But a midlife divorce we didn’t want can absolutely transform our life because it demands that we grow exponentially … or die. We usually don’t discover our true potential until our courage is tested. We usually don’t discover our real selves, our real power, our real faith until something like midlife divorce blind sides us and makes us prove who we really are. And that new person we become is phenomenal. I went through my divorce, sobbing and kicking and screaming. But almost 10 years later I am amazed at the incandescent lessons I’ve learned about God, about myself, about the wild glory of life. I would have never learned those lessons without this explosion of divorce. As you start this weekend, just try this experiment. Look at your divorce as a gift. See it as your ticket to the most amazing discoveries you will ever make. Remind yourself that dramatic change brings the most profound and most enlightening transformation. Don’t waste this opportunity. Your life is going to better than you can imagine if you will stop crying and learn the amazing lessons before you.
“You did it! You changed my wild lament into whirling dance; you ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I’m about to burst with song. I can’t keep quiet about you. God, my God, I can’t thank you enough.” Psalm 30:11, 12 (The Message)