Accept the end of your marriage


If I were to give advice to other women going through a mid-life divorce when an affair is involved and the Wasband wants the bachelor lifestyle, it would be to accept the end of your marriage sooner rather than later and do it with grace.   Do not let months or years go by hoping the Wasband will see the error of his ways and come back to the family a changed man.  He is no longer the man you thought you married and you deserve better.   I was married for 20 years but when I found out about my Wasband’s secret life with another woman, I had no choice but to file the divorce paperwork.   It was just a formality and the real work is accepting the demise of your relationship and helping your heart move forward.
Cry, scream and vent with your girlfriends as much as you need but do NOT imitate me by sending nasty emails at 3am when sleep evades you.  Choose journaling instead.  I wish I had taken the high road during my divorce process but I regrettably let the pain control my behavior.  My Wasband had no care whatsoever how his actions hurt me and our sons and it was like dealing with a complete stranger.   If I had to do over, I would have walked away quietly with grace and dignity.
We cannot control the actions of others but we can control how we respond to their selfish choices.  Take the high road so you have no regrets on your behavior during the difficult divorce process.

Submitted by Pam

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.


  1. penny westgate July 31, 2012 at 4:21 pm - Reply

    I married my husband midlife. I thought I had found the perfect partner to spend the rest of my life with.after a year or so he started to change. He became a stranger. I was walking on egg shells all the time. He became increasingly abusiveI left him one morning at 3am. I had divorce papers from him two Weeks later. No talking no nothing. It’s been devastating.TV

    busive. I left one night at 3am. He had divorce papers delivered within two Weeks. No y talking

  2. Carol December 31, 2017 at 2:31 am - Reply

    Everyone i see onlibe that has finally moved on and raised their self worth appears to be partnered again….and i think im starting to believe that this is the way we heal…and time. There may be good lessons learned but i honestly no longer believe we can love ourselves first….as humans we need others, we crave attachment and being loved is how we love ourselves. A little bleak for those of us who are not repartnered.

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