After Divorce Direction? Peak or Pit?

2018-01-10T18:11:08+00:00

“At menopause, the female brain is nowhere near ready to retire. As a matter of fact, many women’s lives are just hitting their peak.” The Female Brain by Luann Brizendine, M.D.

As much as you feel as if your life is careening uncontrollably downhill, I want you to stop a minute and understand this can very well be the time of the unfolding of an amazing new life for you. Many midlife women (without the sudden unexpected crash of a midlife divorce) are taking a second look at life just the same. Whether we have kids or not, by this age we usually have a clearer view of what we want from life.

Research in books like The Female Brain remind us that when we get to the age around menopause (the same time when, if we have kids, they become more independent,) the “mommy” brain (taking care of everyone else) disconnects a little so that at midlife, women are ready for new, more personally exhilarating adventures.  And studies show that many of us want to do something new specifically for ourselves. A midlife divorce takes that normal change process and starts you racing downhill whether you’re ready for it or not.

If you had decided on your own to look at life with new eyes, the process would not be so hard … it would be a more normal progression. Because of our unwanted divorce, we are forced to create new goals on a pressured timetable … we are forced to expand, and to do it NOW! Obviously, there is more stress because we suddenly have more responsibility for everything in our lives. However, that doesn’t mean our new life can’t be just as invigorating as it would have been had we gone looking for it on our own accord. If you are in midlife (divorce or no divorce, kids or no kids), now is the time for an adventurous new look at the future. Who knows, your personal peak may just be coming into view! So instead of giving up, get ready to go after what you want … God reminds us, it can be our most grace-filled, rewarding time yet!

“So we’re not giving up. How could we? Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.” 2 Corinthians 4:16 (The Message)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

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