After divorce your life can be a dance or a dirge


Before, during and after divorce, life is definitely a challenge.  Sadness, grief, worry, fear, pain, uncertainty all show up on the divorce trip.  But here’s some other alternatives:  I thought about this after reading something by the Scottish philosopher and essayist Thomas Carlyle.  “Every day that is born into the world comes like a burst of music and rings the whole day through, and you make of it a dance, a dirge or a life march as you will.”

Isn’t that a great way to put the reality that we make each day what we want of it.  A dance, a dirge or a life march.  But dancing during divorce?  Is that even possible?  Yes!   How many stories have you heard of people facing incredible challenges make the conscious choice to not be brought down by those external circumstances.  Like the young athlete who was paralyzed from the waist down, but decided to become a counselor and motivator for kids in a church group.  Or think of Joni or Charles Krauthammer.  All people who decided outward circumstances would not decide their level of happiness or contribution.

Especially at this amazing time of year when most days show up cool and full of promise.  Carlyle’s quote is great for any time of year and in the midst of any kind of life challenge, but in the Fall especially the day is truly “an invigorating burst of color and music.”

So for today, let’s decide to make today a dance.  Let’s go outside, lift up our arms and take in a deep, full breath and thank God that we have this particular day.  No matter what we have on our plate, we can make today glorious in some way.  Even if you are going to court.  Even if you have to talk about custody arrangements.  Even if you have to sell your house.  Even if you see your wasband with his girlfiend, you can make YOUR day a good one.

Thank God for this day.  Notice something beautiful about it.  (It’s not difficult!)  Do something wonderful with this day.  Volunteer somewhere.  Encourage someone.  Smile.  Laugh.  Move your body.  Eat something you love and be grateful for it.  Celebrate this day!  Dance!   Really, what’s the alternative?!  We can choose what to make of this day.  Choose wisely.

This is the day that the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad in it!”  Psalm 118:24 (NIV)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

One Comment

  1. CakeSpy October 10, 2014 at 9:16 pm - Reply

    Aaaaah this post is so spot on!! It’s so true that it can be an opportunity. For me, the divorce was the beginning of me truly deciding I had to let go of and get over my eating disorder. I wouldn’t say “hey, awesome that I got divorced!” but that was definitely a good thing that came of it. Thank you for celebrating this interesting phenomenon.

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