Appearing Needy During Divorce

2018-01-10T18:10:44+00:00

“Appearing needy – at any age – is known to be a turnoff.” Andrea Aelion Brooks, author and journalist, Wall Street Journal

I know that at the beginning of any grieving period, especially the grief of midlife divorce and in the process of recovery, we are needy. That’s a fact.

We need support. We need friends and family. We need God. We need about every kind of help we can get. Financial. Emotional. Spiritual. Physical. And that’s okay. In fact, that’s normal, and don’t try to get through the early stages of your recovery journey on your own.

Don’t be embarrassed to admit you’re needy. We have all been there. It’s nothing to be ashamed of even for us “independent, I-can-do-this-myself types” like me. I was embarrassed that I was so needy, but in looking back, I should not have been and neither should you. But at some point, we need to start getting back on our feet.

We must stand up again and take charge again and look forward again. It doesn’t come overnight. Courage comes back to us in little increments. First, we can get out of bed. Then a next step is to go to the grocery story. Then going for coffee with a friend. If we have children still at home or are working, these steps usually come faster and that is a good thing. We need to back to life as soon as we can. But as we get farther along, and the less needy we are, the better off we’ll be.

People will be patient with our neediness for a while. But at some point, everyone wants to see us getting better and moving on.  And especially, if you are far enough along in your recovery that you are starting to think about dating again, remember that the more confident and assured you are, the more appealing you are.

Keep in mind that if you are a person of faith, you can rest assured that God is taking care of you regardless of how you feel. Trust that reality. He has promised to supply what we need in every area of our lives.  When you find yourself clothed in the promises of a God who will never fail you, you should have all the confidence you need.

“You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 (The Message)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

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