Are you still carrying a grudge after divorce?

Are you still carrying a grudge after divorce?

2018-01-10T18:10:48+00:00

Okay, here’s the picture.  You’re in the middle of divorce or maybe you’ve been divorced for awhile.  You are in your bed crying or sitting on your porch or in the breakroom at work being furious that your wasband is out of town and probably has his little honey with him; or you are enraged that you are having to deal with all of this agony and aggravation and crappy stuff while he seems to be having a wonderful, fun, love-filled life.  That’s how I felt. After the sadness and heartbreak wore off, that began to make me really mad.  I couldn’t even listen to my favorite songs on the radio because of him!!

I guess we all have to experience that normal divorce angst and agony for a while.  But take my word for it:  It doesn’t do any good at all to stay in that smelly, ugly place of pain.  Just thinking about how miserable I was and how it didn’t make one iota of difference to him (and his girlfiend) made me finally think to myself:  “What in the heck are you doing?  Why are you letting someone else’s bad behavior destroy your life?”

When we let him (or them) control us and how we feel about life, we give away all of our power.  We let other people rule our life.  That means he (or they) determine our future.  Don’t let him do that!  Don’t let his lack of character make you a bitter, ugly, angry, vengeful person.  Just let it go.  Let his self-centered, narcissitic actions go.  Take back the reins of your life.  Make your own beautiful choices every day.

Early on my divorce journey, I found a painted tile that I bought and still have.  It says, “Don’t carry a grudge.  While you’re carrying the grudge … the other guy’s out dancing.”  That was me making myself miserable with him doing all the dancing …. and that fact started pissing me off!  So … as soon as he (with all his fun) popped into my head …  I would immediately take my thoughts somewhere else.  I realized I could do something positive.  Do something good for someone else.  Create my own good life.  You can make the choice to do that, too, you know.  Remember, we will each reap what we sow.  I wouldn’t want to harvest his basket of stuff!  He can have the ugly weeds he’s planting.  Instead, I’m going to plant some flowers and some sweet delicious fruit for myself.  Let’s all do that and watch them grow every single day!

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love …”  Ephesians 4:31; 5:1a  (NIV)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.