Being Nice is Overrated –

2015-09-15T19:40:53+00:00

 

“If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.”  Margaret Thatcher

At my first Midlife Divorce Recovery Boot Camp, one of the speakers was Barrie Arachtingi, a psychologist. Her presentation was great! One of the things she said that I think about often is that during menopause, one of the proven results of our change in hormones is that we care LESS about what others think. That’s a fantastic plus for me! I don’t know about you, but I think most women want very much to be liked. I know I do.

But through this divorce, whether it’s my hormones or not, I have learned that there are things I want more than to be liked. Respected, for one. Strong. Bold. Unafraid. Confident. Courageous. Powerful. Those things now are more important to me than for everyone to like me and think I’m wonderful.

As women, I think we often work so hard at keeping the peace and being a helper and putting everyone else’s needs before our own that sometimes we forget that unless we stand for something while we are doing that, all of those things don’t mean very much. I believe that God wants us to be peacemakers and helpers and encouragers … but not at the expense of standing for what’s right.

At the beginning of my divorce journey, I got a card from a friend that had a picture of a darling little toddler girl with curly hair sticking out her tongue. Inside it said “Niceness is overrated.” I guess I have had a reputation mainly for being nice.  But there are things more important than being nice. Things like confidently saying what you believe and having principles and standing up for them. And doing those things whether anyone likes you or not. The funny thing is, that’s usually when people like you most. They not only like you, they respect you and understand that you are a woman of substance who is worth knowing.

“In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.”      Proverbs 3:6 (The Living Bible)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

Leave A Comment