“Never get involved with a flamenco dancer, no matter how gorgeous, whether he is from New Jersey or Peru.”
From Normal Is Just A Setting On The Dryer
Some of you may be at the point of starting to think about a new relationship. Some of you may be so lonely that you might get into a relationship that you know you shouldn’t. Some may be at the point where you, as one woman in my first R.A.D.I.C.A.L. group said, “I would like to just put a bag over my head and a bag over some guy’s head and just have a good ‘night in bed!’ (–not her exact phrase!) I was married for 33 years. That basically meant sex whenever I wanted it. But when you are suddenly divorced, you hunger for that part of a relationship. The companionship. The physical sharing. The closeness. Normal, natural, every-day wonderful sex. I think, mostly, we want to just feel okay as a woman. A psychologist who spoke on grieving at one of my boot camps indicated that women tend to fill up that lonely void with either, eating, spending or relationships. Common sense and the sad experiences of other women prove that “rebound” relationships or relationships based on physical attraction alone can bring unwanted consequences. Get yourself strong and confident first. Enjoy platonic relationships. Go to dinner with friends. Have coffee. But stay away from the flamenco dancers, the bar frogs, the guys ‘on the make.’ In our new situation, sometimes they are tempting … but stay alert. Don’t get into a situation that will not be good for you. You’re just recovering from that. Take your time. Use good judgement. Forgive me if I sound like a dorm mother, but if it will save you heartache, I’m willing to sound any way I need to. Note: (I read an article that said middle-aged men have more unsafe sex than any other male demographic… be smart and safe!)
“Keep your eyes open for spiritual danger …”
I Corinthians 16:13a (The Living Bible)
I started dating before my divorce was final. BIG MISTAKE! He is a fairly well-known journalist in this area and his license plate said MRWRITE. He was so MRWRONG. He was planted in my life by an evil force before the marriage was over and so this relationship destroyed my integrity. After twenty years of marriage my wasband was in an adulterous affair for at least a year. I was devastated beyond the point of seeing clearly and MRWRONG admired all of the things about me that irritated my wasband– my faith, my intelligence, my need for date nights and marriage weekends, my tuning in to Focus on the Family and my adherence to what my church recommended for marriage and family. I thought he was a Godsend but he was a Satansend. When I came to my senses four months into the relationship he became so angry that he wrote vicious anonymous letters to me, my pastor, my employer, my ex, the Christian organizations that my children attended. He slandered me after I reasonably asked him to leave me alone. My restraining order was met with three attorneys and a whole lot of money. Three appeals and three judges and three attorneys (his) later, he was tossed out of the court owing my attorney and his thirty thousand dollars and was told by a district judge to Leave the Lady Alone! Those court battles included my pastoral staff– he threatened to sue them as well, as I wanted him out of the place I had worshipped for twenty years– and I was the one who invited him in. They heard Everything. In the wake of my wasband’s betrayal and them believing the best of me they only saw a completely broken and foolish woman. Because I trusted a man… Read more »
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