Checking Out After Divorce


“You must be present to win.” ~ Adair Lara, Normal Is Just A Setting On The Dryer – And Other Lessons From The Real, Real World

Taking Time To Grieve

After a midlife divorce, it is easy to just “check out” of life. It’s actually a completely normal reaction… for awhile. It is an important step in your recovery to set aside the time you need to just grieve.

But once you have spent the time necessary to get yourself grounded and doing the basics of every day life again, it is time to start re-discovering your joie de vivre 

[ joy of life].

No matter what “disaster” you face in your days on this earth, it is necessary to be fully present in both the good and the bad. You need to face the pain. You need to appreciate every aspect of life, itself. You need to be present in the here and now.

Life Is A Journey

If you think that your life is over after the divorce, then life [along with all of it’s beautiful potential], will be over in a way. Likewise, if you think you’ll always have a second-rate life, you probably will. And if you think you will never be really happy again, you probably won’t ever find the joy that you deserve.

It’s easy for me to say these things now from where I am in the divorce recovery process. In the middle of it all, I personally felt an unexpected hopelessness that was very foreign to me. I was unbelievably depressed and worried that my life would never be very good again.

My goal is to shorten that time of distress for you. I have dealt with thousands of women who have been right where you are and have rediscovered that it truly is “wonderful to be alive!”

Remember, this is a process; life is a journey. And you will never win if you don’t fully participate. So take time to work through the pain, but as soon as you can, get back to life… full, wild, unpredictable, [but ultimately wonderful] life in all its ever-changing glory!

“It is a wonderful thing to be alive! ~ Ecclesiastes 11:7 (The Living Bible)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.


  1. Ramashakar August 5, 2012 at 5:42 pm - Reply

    I just asked a Q about separating from an aisvbue husband that doesn’t care to reconcile. (He uses bully tactics says she’s a liar for breaking her vows)I don’t see how Jesus would consider this Ok.When Jesus came, Romans 6:14 says we are under Grace, not the Law.

    • Peterson October 19, 2012 at 4:52 am - Reply

      Oh, how I needed this post today!I have a cowkorer who is normally pleasant enough to be around, but every once and a while, she goes into a vampire mood. The past couple days have been two of those days.Everything everyone asks her to do is unfair. Every mistake she’s called on is an of course! because apparently she can’t do anything right today. (I’m sorry, are you complaining to ME for that? Seems like that might be somewhat your responsibility ) Every cheerful remark I try to make to lighten the mood is met with a grumble. It really sucks the sunshine right out of the office.Thanks for reminding me that someone else’s temper tantrum doesn’t have to blow MY day!

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