Defeating Discouragement During Divorce


Sometimes I’m hesitant to tell anyone about my Down Days.  I’m supposed to be encouraging , optimistic and ready to go to battle every day.  But, I’ll admit occasionally I’m discouraged and sad.  A day like that happened recently.  Sunday morning. Before I left to go to church services, I opened my computer and read an absolutely heartbreaking story from a woman who had just signed up for our Grief of Divorce document.  On my way to church, I often put in a CD my son recorded when he was with the Kansas City Chorale before he moved to New York.  The CD is called “Life and Breath” and it was the CD that won the Chorale three Emmy awards.  It’s moving in a way only acapella voices can be, and I can sometimes hear my son’s voice in it.  It always brings a lump to my throat, and sometime tears, it’s so beautiful and powerful.

Listening and thinking … by the time I got to church I could not stop crying.  I actually turned around to go back home or go to a park or something just to get myself together.  But I thought to  myself, “I need to be in Church today”, but I didn’t want to make everyone wonder what in the world was wrong with me.   I finally turned back around and found a parking spot … walked in to church, grabbed the first person I saw who is a wonderful guy who happens to be part of the Leadership team.  After explaining how discouraged I was feeling, he prayed with me, and I found a seat in the back of the auditorium and just drank in the spiritual nourishment for the rest of the hour.

That morning I was struggling with discouragement.  I hear stories of good, godly women who are getting screwed around by their husbands, or ex-husbands; and courts, judges and attorneys who often don’t see the desperate, unfair circumstances of those they are supposed to be helping.  I’m sometimes tired of fighting against the injustices of mean, selfish, arrogant people who hurt others without a second thought.  Others they were supposed to love and cherish.  I get discouraged that wrong seems to so easily win when goodness must be fought for every step of the way.  I get discouraged about my own failings and inadequacies in helping with that ocean of hurt.

But usually when I get discouraged, I think “Okay, What can I do?”  What can I do to help, today, now?”  I try to realize I can’t fix everything, but I am going to do something to help today.  I remember, too,  that there are RADiCAL women all over the world doing their part for Goodness as well.

I recently read something from Napoleon Hill – a great American author and motivator.  “What we do not see, what most of us never suspect of existing, is the silent but irresistible power which comes to the rescue of those who fight on in the face of discouragement. ”

Let’s all remember that and not give up.   First of all, I am going to pray for God’s strength and help.  I am going to pray that he will take over where we feel inadequate.  That he will intervene when our efforts don’t seem to be enough.  I pray that he will reach down and comfort those who are suffering when we don’t have the right words to say.  And then let’s all have full confidence that he is that “irresistible power” that will come to the rescue of all of us.

Goodness will inevitably win.  Let’s all keep fighting on together, and realize that more and more Goodness will show up down here on this earth, if we don’t give up.

Okay, I’m going to go get some more Don Quixote coffee in my RADiCAL mug,  call some people, write some emails, set up some interviews, and plan the February 14 Divorce Recovery Conference.  And by the way, you all are an encouragement to me as you spread goodness every single day as you create your own new amazing life!

“Fear not, for I am with you.  do not be dismayed.  I am your God.  I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10

Get The Guide

Navigate the Unique Grieving of Divorce

Your Blueprint for Understanding the Grief of Divorce.
Get The Guide

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

Leave A Comment