“By acknowledging other people, if only to fight with them, you open yourself to their influence.” ~ Green and Efflers in The 48 Laws of Power
The dance of anger that we get caught up in when we are going through a midlife divorce would never win any prizes on “Dancing with the Stars.”
One of the things that I learned on my divorce recovery journey was that anger kept me connected to, and under the influence of the very people who were hurting me: my wasband and his mistress. I needed to just ignore them, but somehow I couldn’t. I thought about them all of the time. I wondered what they were doing, where they were going, what he was saying to her. Those things did nothing but make me even more miserable.
Instead of dwelling on what my wasband was doing, I should of been putting my efforts toward figuring out what I wanted for my own life. And my new vision did not include living with a person who would throw away his amazing family to pursue his own shallow fantasies of the “good life.”
Greene and Efflers advise: “By ignoring people, you cancel them out. This unsettles and infuriates them. This is the ultimate power pose: You are the king (or in our case, the queen), and you ignore what offends you.”
When you find thoughts of either of them creeping into your consciousness, go somewhere else mentally. You can choose to immediately think about something good and beautiful. You have the choice to make the rest of your life as wonderful or as miserable as you want. Don’t waste your precious life energy on people or things that are not good for you and will not help you live the life God has in mind for you.
“When you knock on a door, be courteous in your greeting. If they welcome you be gentle in your conversation. If they don’t welcome you, quietly withdraw. Don’t make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way. You can be sure that on Judgment day they will be mighty sorry – but it’s no concern of yours now.” ~ Matthew 10:12-15 (The Message)
This is something I need to do as well. It hurts, but my life is important and wasting precious moments on nothingness is wasteful. Finally moving forward in life and as I do more opportunities have come my way for spiritual, professional and personal growth.