Blame and guilt are big issues in divorce recovery. We blame him for having a girlfriend, or breaking his marriage vows, or controlling us or not doing his part to make the marriage work. We feel guilty for not being able to keep our marriage together or not being sexy enough or thin enough or attentive enough.
Blame and guilt are pretty much useless in the end. By finding something or someone to blame, we think we can excuse ourselves from taking responsibility for our own happiness.
Controlled By Fear
We fear being hurt again. We live timidly and suspiciously. We harbor anger because blame puts the focus on his bad behavior instead of on our inability to take charge of our own choices for good.
And by feeling guilty about our perceived failings, we condemn ourselves for not being perfect and we prevent ourselves from boldly grabbing hold of life with gusto and joy. We hang on to self-doubt and insecurity because we have let someone else’s actions destroy our self-confidence. We can find all kinds of excuses for not taking responsibility “for our own good time.”
Take Responsibility For YOUR Life
We are in charge of the rest of our lives, as much as we may try to give that responsibility to someone else. You need to decide what you want your own life to look like, and then take actions to make that life a reality.
Create your new life vision. What’s happened in the past can’t be changed. What happens in the future is completely up to you. My advice starting today: “Laissez les bon temps roulez!” (Let the good times roll!)
Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.