Just Remember, the temporary satisfaction of doing something dumb to your husband and/or his mistress is not worth doing jail time!


Dear Sisterhood,

I pondered the many questions about midlife divorce that Suzy posed.  But, I decided to address the mistake I made in my journey.  It is a funny story really, but not one that I am particularly proud of.  Let me start by saying it is never a good idea to destroy personal property. :) But, if you’re going to do it, never admit to it. My brush with illegal activity took the form of a white car and a can of red spray paint.  I went by my husband’s apartment and there was “her” car.  Something foreign and perhaps a bit evil took over my sensibilities and I knew I had to do something to show them that I was not amused.  Now, it would have been one thing if I just carried a random can of spray paint around in my car for such occasions, but this is the really crazy thing…I drove all the way home (about a 15 minute drive round trip), grabbed the can of spray paint and drove all the way back.  And this was not in the middle of the night, this was at 6:30 in the evening, when any number of people could have seen me do it.  As I prepared to leave my daring message on the driver’s side door, I actually had a moment of clarity. The nozzle popped off and I couldn’t find it.  I said to myself….”self, this is God’s way of telling  you not to do this,” then I found the little nozzle lodged in my bra, popped it back on and did it anyway.  I have to say there was a momentary thrill as I plastered the word “wh***e” on her car, but as I prepared to drive away, I thought “no that just isn’t enough”. So, I jumped out of my car and spray painted “sl*t” on the other side. Now, I was satisfied.  As I drove home I went past a church where I promptly ditched the offending spray can in their garbage.  In my very “rational” state, I thought, “Well if the cops come by, they will find that I am not in possession of any red paint.” :) Of course, the next morning as my husband and his mistress prepared to say their loving goodbyes they were greeted with the  angry message from me.  I was lucky. My husband was so freaked out that I was now “capable of anything” he didn’t press charges in case it escalated my rage. Good call on his part. I was out of my mind at that point, with grief, hurt and betrayal…spray painting the dirty you know what’s car was really the least of their worries.  Since then, as I tell my story, I am congratulated on my Chutzpah and unmitigated gall. And although, it is a funny story and I have become something of an urban legend among other middle aged women in my area…it is a cautionary tale. Don’t let your emotions get so out of control that you do things that can land you in the police station or worse.  Red spray paint is not a good idea…even though I still giggle a little when I think of her making the  “drive of shame” all the way to the car repair place. :)”

• Name withheld for her own protection. (The management of this website does not condone these actions and is not responsible for posting bail for any members who do dumb things!) SERIOUSLY!  Do not do anything that could get you in real legal trouble.  The temporary satisfaction is not worth it.  Just ignore them.