Funny Divorce Quotes
There are not many things about separation and divorce that are fun or funny. In fact, divorce is one of the most heartbreaking, devastating, painful situations we can ever experience.
What can be funny are some of the ways we respond to the situation of divorce. And most of those things that are funny in retrospect are NOT funny when they are happening. One night about 2:00am, I found myself looking through the bushes at the side of his apartment trying to see if the girlfriend’s car was there. Even now, when I think about that, I have to just shake my head and think “What in the heck was I doing?!”
Other divorcing women have done much worse, believe me, and we still laugh at some of those crazy things. They wouldn’t be funny if any of us had ended up in the penitentiary for being so out of control! Sigh.
“I’d rather not ever be in a couple, or ever get laid again, than be in a toxic relationship.” Anne Lamott
“Never get involved with a flamenco dancer, no matter how gorgeous!” Adair Lara
“Picture your ex as a little tiny mouse with a little tiny penis in a big swashbuckling hat with a big feather and big shiny boots and a sword on his belt. It helps!” A Radical Woman
“Try to avoid getting involved with somebody who’s gonna need killing before it’s over.” Jill Conner Browne
‘“Co-parenting with my Ex is so awesome! They’ve really become so mature and cooperative since our divorce…” said no one ever!’ Anonymous
“You can’t die of temporary celibacy.” Anonymous
“When my ex-husband called to tell me he was marrying his girlfriend, I calmly told him, ‘I hope you learned some things these last few years, and I hope you find what you’re looking for.’ What I really wanted to tell him was, ‘I hope your penis turns black and falls off and you’re miserable every single day for the rest of your life!’ I didn’t say that. I pretty much cried the rest of the day.” Suzy Brown
Inspirational Divorce Quotes
When we are going through the agony of divorce, especially at midlife, it often makes us look more deeply at our faith or lack of it. We wonder if the faith we profess can really hold us up in the face of this kind of devastation and despair. Many of us wonder, not only if there is a God, but does that entity care about me and my life? Divorce quotes – inspirational and uplifting – make us look at the spiritual part of life or inspire us to keep on keeping on.
“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
“Life is what we make it. Always has been. Always will be.” – Grandma Moses
“This is how we make important changes. Barely, slowly, poorly. And still God raises his fist in triumph!” Anne Lamott
“No matter what enfolds here, He (God) is always good and we are always loved. Let go.” – Ann Voskamp
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” – Jeremiah 29:11
“First, find a path, and a little light to see by. Then push up your sleeves and start helping.” – Anne Lamott
“With God, we have the power to be victorious no matter what, because we already know how the story ends, and we always have the choice to love.” – Suzy Brown
Encouraging Divorce Quotes
If we need anything during divorce, encouragement is high on the list. I was grabbing hold of any quote that gave me hope that, not only would I survive divorce, but I would rise above it and have a good life going forward! With all the change, disruption and devastation, divorce encouragement quotes were like water in the desert.
“Home is where you are. It’s much more than a structure or possessions — it is a matter of spirit” – SARK
“Nobody ever died of divorce.” – Jennifer Weiner
“Freeing yourself was one thing. Claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” – Toni Morrison!
“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” – Carol Burnett
“Making the best of what we’ve got is the best choice we can make.” – Sheldon Kopp
Divorce Love Quotes
“Divorce love” quotes seem like an oxymoron…an impossibility. Love and divorce are only connected because divorce is the loss of love at least for one half of the couple. Rejection and the pain of lost love is one of the most devastating things to happen to a human being. According to the Bible, we are created to love, and to be loved by others and to demonstrate love to “God and our neighbor.” That is particularly hard to do in the middle of a divorce. Below are some thoughts that express either the loss of love during divorce, or the ability to love in spite of divorce, which we should all aspire to.
“Don’t be afraid to love again, not everyone is like your ex.” – Anonymous
“Betrayal…is the most difficult of all woundings.” – Susan Piver
“Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.” Regina Brett
“Don’t go in search of love. Go in search of life, and life will find you the love you seek. Atticus
“Don’t let the person who didn’t love you keep you from the one who will.” – Kushandwisdom
“Reality kicks in when you finally face the fact that your marriage is really over, and you ask yourself, ‘What do I do now?’ The answer: find something loving to do right now that will move you closer to the life you have deserved all along.” – Suzy Brown
Happy Divorce Day Quotes
I don’t think there is anything inherently happy in divorce. I can’t imagine having a Divorce Celebration Party. Most people went into their marriage in good faith, hoping to have a relationship that would last a lifetime. When that ends, there is usually heartbreak. A Happy Divorce Day very rarely happens.
Sometimes divorce is necessary, but hurt, anger, pain and sorrow are what most people normally feel. I couldn’t find any good “Happy Divorce Day Quotes, so I gathered up some of my favorite quotes about laughter. Laughter is good for us, even during divorce, and is something we should all find our way back to as soon as possible after divorce.
“Laughter is a form of internal jogging.” – Norman Cousins
“Laughter is carbonated holiness.” – Anne Lamott
“A joyful heart is good medicine.” – The Bible
“Laughter, then, causes the body to produce its own painkiller.” – Dr. Raymond Moody
“I’ve never liked the word ‘ex-husband,’ so I call him my ‘wasband’ … you know, he was my husband, but he’s not any more. That term makes me smile. I also created the word girlFIEND to replace girlfriend … I think that’s kind of funny, too. How I really felt about her was not funny!” – Suzy Brown
Divorce Quotes For Her
Since most of my midlife divorce recovery work has been with women, I have lots of sources and resources for women going through divorce. However, I do know that men, who have been left and whose wife has a boyfriend, hurt the same as women do. So the divorce quotes for men and the divorce quotes for women can usually be interchanged by just changing the pronouns.
“My ex and I divorced for religious reasons. He believed he was God, and I didn’t.” – Unknown
“If he is dumb enough to leave, we have to be smart enough to let him go.” – Anonymous
“Don’t look for healing at the feet of those who broke you.” – Rupi Kaur
“Being on your own doesn’t mean being all alone.” – Sheldon Kopp
“Every misfortune is also an opportunity, even if it takes a little time to stop sobbing.” – Adair Lara
“Sister, pain is part of life. By accepting it, its intensity is reduced.” – Satish Kumar
“Try this test: See how much fun it is or how much good it does to focus on how miserable you are. If the answer is ‘none,’ try something else.” – Suzy Brown
Divorce Quotes For Him
When you’re looking for Divorce Quotes for Him, remember the concepts of surviving divorce and divorce healing are the same for both sexes. Women are often better at expressing their struggles and sharing them with others. Men seem to hold things in and are less likely to get help or to join helpful groups. Like the divorce quotes for women, the pronouns are interchangeable.
“When in doubt, just take the next right step.” – Regina Brett
“You can’t get ahead while you’re getting even.” – Dick Armey
“You know why divorces are so expensive? They’re worth it!” – Willie Nelson
“She’s just that into you if…she’s ever had her name on a restraining order, she blames herself for your bad behavior, she still sleeps in your flannel shirt six months after you’ve dumped her, she wants to kill herself only to hurt you.” – Linda Sunshine
“Don’t fix the blame, fix the problem.” Attributed to many different people – like John Wooden
“The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” – Johnny Carson
“When we are totally immersed in the present moment doing something valuable or pleasurable, we suddenly find that happiness has found us on it’s own. Cherish those moments.” – Suzy Brown
Divorce Quotes For And About Children
Children are the innocent bystanders in their parents’ divorce. We often either share too much or keep them in the dark. Children need honesty, security and consistency. When almost all aspects of their lives are being turned upside down, they still have to go to school, do sports or work, all while their emotions are taking them on a roller coaster ride of change and chaos.
Below are some divorce child quotes – divorce quotes for kids or about kids. Be patient with them and with yourself. Keep them informed as to dates and changes as soon as possible. And take advantage of Grady’s Parenting Through Divorce, a program for parents and their late teenage and young adult children. Helping them get through your family’s divorce is one of your most important jobs. Make sure it is at the top of your list!
“Don’t stay together for the kids. They should grow up knowing what happiness and love are, rather than misery and hate.” (A child of divorced, but happy parents.)
“No matter who is to blame for the marriage breakup, you are the starting point for all healing.” – Dr. Archibald D. Hart
“You’re not responsible for your parents’ divorce, and you’re not responsible for their happiness after divorce.” – Suzy Brown
“What you think of yourself is much more important than what others think of you.” – Seneca
“Stop worrying about the kids so much. Ask God to protect and comfort and empower them. You can’t change what’s happened in their lives, but you can help them become stronger people.” Woody Goodvin, brother of Suzy Brown. In Radical Recovery by Suzy Brown
“Let your children see your sense of humor on occasion. Laugh together as often as you can! You can cry later in bed if you need to.” – Suzy Brown
Random Divorce Quotes
Many divorce quotes are specific advice for getting through divorce, but many of the best divorce quotations are quotes that help us and give us hope or courage through any kind of difficulty. The best advice is good advice regardless of what challenging circumstances you face. Below are some random quotes that will move you forward or make you smile or make you think of your divorce life in new and helpful ways. And that’s always a good thing!
“If you are serious about making yourself miserable, you will meet no greater foe than constructive activity, no greater friend than absolute inactivity.” – Dan Greenburg
“If some area of your life sucks – do something else. Life is too short – and too long – to spend it being miserable.” – Jill Conner Browne
The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances.” – Martha Washington
“I still cling to the hope of changing others, even though it has been pointed out to me that it doesn’t work. I still try. It always backfires. I hate that!” – SARK
“A hike can do more good than therapy.” – Regina Brett
“I permit myself the few days of whining, self-pity, and being pathetic that it takes to get to the next phase: an action plan.” – Laura Schlessinger
“When we cling to pain, we end up punishing ourselves.” – Leo Buscaglia
“Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.” – maximilianhart
“It is infinitely easier to suffer with others than to suffer alone.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer
“I know what it’s like to be left. It sensitizes you to other people in the same boat.” – Elizabeth Buchan
“Let your friends help. They are like water in the desert. They make you feel worthy again after long dry months of feeling like you are the biggest failure in the universe.” – Suzy Brown
Join us in our MDRcommunity of RADiCAL Women … Women who are Rising Above Divorce In Confidence And Love.
Quotes – including Divorce Quotes – can change lives and alter the course of history or the course of our personal life. They can make us laugh. They can make us cry. They can affect the course of our individual and collective history for good.