Divorce Victor or Victim?

2016-06-19T07:35:05+00:00

Guest Blog: 

It rained last night. Storms, thunder, lightening, and lot’s of rain. It was loud, it was messy. And then, today, the sun came out. Isn’t that the greatest thing? Stick around long enough and boom. Sun.

See, even though I’ve tried to be strong, to be all pious and good, I’ve had this pervasive “poor me” thing going. This, “Hey everybody, look here and be sure you know that I’m the victim!” thing. But, little by little, I’m coming to realize how really happy I am. How I can and do have victory. No, I didn’t want this divorce, still don’t, but in moving on, I’m finding joy.

I got moved into a great new place, closer to my parents and church. Five wonderful men from the church, plus the pastor and his sons, came out with trucks and hauled my entire houseful of furniture, appliances and other various belongings from one town to another and asked for nothing. They just wanted to help, so they did. This makes me happy.

I have been fighting bronchitis for weeks now, and upon moving in here at the new place, two moms with girls my kids ages have been offering to take the girls for days out and overnights, just because we are closer now and it’s easier. And they keep calling back! This, believe me, is good for the happiness. Bridges that I thought were burned with my in laws are being rebuilt, a bit at a time. Out of respect that I should have had all along, I will decline to provide details except to say that this turn of events makes me happy. Delighted, in fact.

And how do I feel about being newly single? Well, no I didn’t ask for it, didn’t want it, but I am happily surprised to find that I am enjoying it. I’ve always had an independent spirit. Now, after so long, I am being given the chance to revel in it. I get to make all my own choices. I answer only to God. Nobody (OK, except my mom, God love her…) questions how I parent, at least to my face (and as for my mom, she’s holding back a little more lately. We’re both learning.) Nobody complains about the checkbook balance. I make the budget and I stick to it. And if I don’t, nobody has to tell me it’s my fault. I like that. Responsibility. Independence. Yes, freedom. It all adds up to happiness. And that, my friends, is why I am no victim. Being in charge of my own life with God in ultimate control means I am a victor. Hallelujah!

~Traci

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

3 Comments

  1. Lori June 24, 2016 at 5:18 pm - Reply

    Thank you! I needed to hear this.

  2. Tricia hartsfield June 24, 2016 at 6:51 pm - Reply

    Divorce lawyers are the victors. All else the victims

  3. Carol June 25, 2016 at 11:38 am - Reply

    Thank you am going through a divorce right as we speak.

Leave A Comment