Divorce & Revenge In The Digital Age

2018-01-10T18:10:36+00:00

“It’s simple: The Internet turns us into a mob. ‘We know that in a mob people will do socially unacceptable things they would never otherwise do …’” ~ Elizabeth Englander, director of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center of Bridgewater State College

It’s Easy

Don’t hit the send button!

Many divorces today are the result of infidelity. Having a cheating spouse leaves you deeply hurt and angry, often triggering a desire to “hit back.” And in this day and age it is more than just tempting, it’s easy.

Webtribution

In a column in the Wall Street Journal, Elizabeth Bernstein authored an article entitled The Dark Side of “Webtribution,” detailing how seemingly inconsequential revenge is in our digital age. 

In the past, vengeance was a hassle and often dangerous, involving a great amount of risk. Webtribution on the other hand is so simple, it can be extremely nasty.

“The internet permits us to be impulsive and anonymous. It requires a minimum amount of work: you can ruin someone’s life while sitting on the couch watching TV. And it provides a maximum amount of pain for your target.”

After discovering her husband’s infidelity, Englander logged on to her wasband’s Facebook account, deleted privacy settings and created a new status update for him: ‘Moving back to my mom’s because my wife caught me cheating with a woman from work.’” She also made sure to “disparage his physical attributes.”

Vengeance

As the victim of such a horrendous injustice as infidelity, we are all left with a small (or large) urging inside ourselves that seeks to balance the scales of pain. But the truth of the matter is, being vengeful makes us as small as he is. (Plus, the internet is not completely anonymous and you CAN be detected and humiliated, or even sued!)

Vengeance, however satisfying it may initially seem, never brings lasting peace or joy. Even more, it tarnishes our own sense of self and brings us down into the pit of bad behavior where he (and maybe his girlfiend) live.

Let him go, and create the amazing life you desire and deserve (and that God has already planned and promised for you)!

“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written, ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” ~ Romans 12:19 (NIV)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

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