My ex-husband’s secret life


Guest Blog: 

If I were to give advice to other women going through a mid-life divorce when an affair is involved and the wasband wants the bachelor lifestyle, it would be to accept the end of your marriage sooner rather than later and do it with grace. Do not let months or years go by hoping the wasband will see the error of his ways and come back to the family a changed man.  He is no longer the man you thought you married and you deserve better.

I was married for 20 years but when I found out about my wasband’s secret life with another woman, I had no choice but to file the divorce paperwork. The paperwork is just a formality; the real work is accepting the demise of your relationship and helping your heart move forward.

Cry, scream and vent with your girlfriends as much as you need to, but do NOT imitate me by sending nasty emails at 3am when sleep evades you. Choose journaling instead. I wish I had taken the high road during my divorce process, but I regrettably let the pain control my behavior. My wasband had no care whatsoever how his actions hurt me and our sons, and it was like dealing with a complete stranger.

If I could have a “do over,” I would have walked away quietly with grace and dignity. We cannot control the actions of others but we can control how we respond to their selfish choices.  Take the high road so you have no regrets on your behavior during the difficult divorce process.


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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

One Comment

  1. Angel October 19, 2012 at 12:14 am - Reply

    Most cases are settled out of court. If a bias etxiss, and it very well may, it’s probably because we view as caregivers, and think of parenting as a woman’s job. Another reason could be that for the most part, ARE more actively involved in their mothering role than are in their fathering role, and can successfully demonstrate that to judges.My suggestion to is that if you want custody of your kids, start being involved in their lives PRIOR to the divorce.

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