“I have a policy about fear: It cripples the soul, so you just have to fight it.” ~ Diane Keaton
Every Holiday Changes During and After Divorce – Even Halloween
Halloween is coming up in just a few days. I don’t know about you, but seeing all of these little kids in their costumes is such fun. I remember when several of my youngest grandchildren came over to show me their costumes. The super-hero boys ran around so their capes flew out behind them. In their meanest voices, the pirate girls growled ARRGGGGHH, brandishing their plastic swords. One granddaughter was a toasted marshmallow along with the “flame” on top.
When these little goblins are small, on Halloween night they stay pretty close to someone big and strong …. Someone who will protect them from the other ghosts and goblins and whatever else is in the scary dark.
If You’re Going Through Divorce …. A Couple Of Things
1. Even a simple holiday like Halloween changes. I used to stay home and pass out the goodies while my then-husband took the kids around (and around and around!) the neighborhood with the other dads. If you have young children, you have to re-figure all of that out. Everything gets complicated, and that used to make me both sad and furious!
2. Fear is an ever-present part of the divorce equation. Whenever divorce happens, fear seems to be everywhere, along with worry and anxiety and panic thrown in here and there. We’re afraid about so many things. Will the kids be okay? Will I be okay? Can I support myself? Will anyone ever love me? Will I ever be happy again?
3. At some point, excessive fear and worry cripple us. They keep us from taking action that we know we should take. However, fear after divorce can focus our thinking, too. It we use it right, it can make us face what we fear and take action to make sure what we fear doesn’t happen.
Learning To Face Fear During Divorce
A while back, after one of my divorce recovery bootcamps I was walking to my car in a parking garage in the middle of the day. With my arms full of stuff, a young man approached me, and I thought he just wanted to ask a question. I soon realized he wanted my purse, my money and me in my car to take him to an ATM machine.
It just so happened that about a month before this happened, I had been robbed in my home town and had just finished replacing checking accounts, credit cards, my telephone and just the day before, my driver’s license. So, I told the young man he couldn’t have my purse.
We struggled, and he pulled out a knife and tried again to force me into my car. He was getting more agitated by the moment. One thing I remember from a self-defense class all the girls in our family took: Do everything you can to NOT get in a car with someone in this situation! I was afraid of that happening, and my fear made me take aggressive, maybe life-saving, action to prevent it.
In some ridiculous sense, I was adamant about keeping my purse. After a tense and scary scuffle, with him warning me not to scream or try to honk the horn, I managed to talk him into just taking my cash. He also took my car keys. But I was proud of myself that I still had all that stuff I had just replaced and especially my new, hours-old driver’s license that I needed to get on a plane in a few days to a speaking engagement at Pepperdine University!
When I called my new husband to tell him what happened, he said a little more gruffly than I expected, “Next time give him the damn purse!”
What Are You Afraid Of Today?
What’s in your dark shadows? Are you taking any action to defeat those fears?
In the scary night of a midlife divorce, there are thousands of things that make us anxious and afraid:
Thinking about the future makes our heart thump in our chest.
Seeing our ex with his new girlfiend makes our mouth go dry.
Financial insecurity fills us with dread.
We Can’t Let Fear Control Us
We can’t let fear overpower us, dominate our thinking or rob us of our courage. We can learn to act in spite of our “shaky legs.”We can face our fear, acknowledge it and then say, “I’m not going to let you determine my actions or paralyze me!” When we do that and take a positive action, we can move forward in spite of our insecurity and the wild beating of our heart!
It’s one thing to say those words, but grab hold of this truth: the Creator, the all-powerful Spirit of the universe, tells us: “Don’t be afraid!” “Fear not!” “Don’t panic!” He is that infinite strong presence who has promised that he will help us and give us strength and a power greater than our own.
During the scary times of divorce, stand firm on that reality. Nothing in the dark of the present or the future can stand up to the immeasurable power of God which he has promised to give each one of us. With God, you can be the one saying, “Scram!” to all of your fears about absolutely everything!”
“Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.” ~ Isaiah 41:10 (The Message)
Now that the Halloween decorations are already in the bargain baskets at your local stores, I’m sure you’ve seen the Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah taking it’s place on the shelves. That in itself is scary!!
Take advantage of the special price on our Holiday Edition of the Divorce Survival Kit.
It’s a perfect holiday gift for yourself so that you can actually enjoy the holidays. This is one action you can take to face head-on the fear of all the other Fall and Winter Holidays during divorce. Tell your kids that’s what you want for your holiday gift. Or you can buy it for a friend who needs it. The special price is good until November 15th, so order yours today.
Here’s the link: https://www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com/10-dsk-holiday-edition/