It’s Not Your Responsibility
Because it’s Father’s Day, many of you are probably dealing with feelings of guilt and sadness about what has been lost in your children’s lives. One important thing to remember, however, is that it’s not your responsibility to “fix” Father’s Day for your wasband.
You most likely have spent many Father’s Days making sure every thing was perfect for your husband; encouraging your children to do things to make their fathers feel loved and appreciated.
That’s not your responsibility now, especially if your children are grown. I think it is perfectly appropriate for divorced mothers with young children to help their children express wishes to their father, but once your children are older, as most of ours are, that is their decision. You need to be detached from that as much as possible.
Celebrate Your Father
Today, concentrate on your own father. Your Dad. My Dad died in January. The week before he died I got to spend some time with him and I had a chance to tell him directly just how important he had been in my life.
I listed many things that had been meaningful throughout the years. I’m not sure he understood what I said, but in my heart I think he did. If your father is still alive, call him, write him a letter (he won’t mind if it’s a few days late) or tell him face to face how important he is to you. If you need to, fix things that are mendable with your own father.
Supporting Your Children
Lastly, don’t fret if your children want to spend time with their father. Let them know that you are okay whatever they decide. Your children are probably struggling with figuring out all sorts of new issues, so make that as easy as you can for them.
If you’re a God person, spend some time with Him. He is the Father who will never fail you… or your children.
“A righteous man who walks in integrity — how blessed are his sons (children) after him.” ~ Proverbs 20:7 (NASB)
Emotionally, mentally and pciyshal exhausting, grief for the loss of the person but they are still there, depression and anxiety, fear for the future, paranoia about almost anything, shock, anger, loneliness and isolation., loss of confidence and self esteem then the dirty tactics start, you realise any promises made whatever they may be will not be kept. Then the solicitor you appoint to help you get a fair share, totals up all the matrimonial assets and then know exactly what you can afford to pay for their services leaving you with little or nothing and expects you to be grateful, you realise that yours’ and their’ solicitors are working hand in hand prior to court not to get the best deal for their client but to barter for an agreement and if one party won’t budge on something at all and demands simple clauses like not being contacted at work or having their employers contacted before they agree, what it really means is that when they fail to pay court awarded maintenance, you have to spend 8 years fighting a clause before you can get an Attachment of Earnings order ( which involves contacting their employer)Oh boy is it stressful, if you survive and if you do you may still end up a gibbering wreck or an alcoholic or addicted to perscription medication or just not trusting anyone, so it totally changes your outlook, your relationships and in my case a total fear of any type of commitent.It isn’t long before you realise that court orders and judgements mean nothing and will not be honoured by your ex or soon to be ex and the courts will do little or nothing about it .and that legal justice is non existent.You notice married friends keeping away thinking you are all of… Read more »