After Divorce Advice

2018-01-10T18:10:33+00:00

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” ~ Anonymous

People Pleasers

Women tend to be “people pleasers.” We want everyone to like us. We constantly worry about what people think.

At my very first Midlife Divorce Recovery Bootcamp, Dr. Barrie Arachtingi, a counselor and friend, made a comment that made us laugh, and ponder, too. She said that part of the effect of hormone activity during menopause is that it makes us less concerned about what people think! And that’s a good thing as far as I’m concerned!

Motivated By Love

For most of us, much of our lifetime efforts have been built around pleasing others and meeting others needs… our husbands, our children, and now maybe, our aging parents.

It’s a tenet of most religions to help others as often as we can; and we should! But let’s do things out of love and gratitude, not because we are just trying to please everybody.

Do Something YOU Want To

Today, let’s please ourselves, whatever it is we are doing. Let’s do something because we want to, or we think it’s good for us. Look at your divorce as an opportunity to shape your life how you want, not how someone else expects you to. It will help our children, friends and family to see us boldly and enthusiastically embarking on a new dream … a new passion … a new life mission.

Of course, don’t become selfish or self-centered along the way. That’s not you. That’s not how you were designed to be.

But become aware of what a strong, incredible and fun woman you really are. You are a compassionate and competent woman who is going to fulfill your own bright purpose in the world. It’s a fact of life that we can’t please everyone, and that’s okay! But we can please ourselves, and that’s something that inspires the people who matter.

“When you knock on a door, be courteous in your greeting. If they welcome you, be gentle in your conversation. If they don’t welcome you, quietly withdraw. Don’t make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way.” ~ Matthew 10:12-14 (The Message)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.