From Needing to Wanting after Divorce

2018-01-10T18:11:02+00:00

Controlling our finances allows us to make our own choices about how best to serve.

“As our financial life stabilizes, there is a natural progression from needing to get a grip on our money to wanting to extend our reach into the world.”  Barbara Stanny in Prince Charming Isn’t Coming

When we’re trying to figure out how to keep a roof over our head and groceries on the table, we don’t have the financial resources to reach out very much, financially.  We can always reach out with our abundant non-monetary blessings!  Early on in divorce, the money part is still in the hands of the attorneys and the judges and we don’t have a solid number to start with.  But even with that uncertainty, we can be figuring out our own expenses (like we’re doing with our spending list this month) and we can start getting more informed about finances.  You can also invest in consultation with a financial person who can give you guidelines.  (My advice is to talk with someone who knows about the money part as early as possible in the process.)  Financial analysts who have special divorce accreditation can be a big help in as Wayne Starr, a certified divorce financial analyst in Kansas City calls it, “Divorcing Financially.”(c)   Once you have a solid number to work with, you can start figuring out what you’re going to have.  And even if you have less than you want (that’s guaranteed!) and less than you deserve (most likely), it’s still empowering to make choices about how to spend the amount you do have.  It’s empowering to choose to move from your big house if you need to.  It’s empowering to go on a day trip close to home instead of a big trip like you are used to taking.  Empowerment comes with making wise choices about money that build on each other.  The process to financial independence is always challenging, but it can also be very liberating.  Hear what Barbara Stanny says she found out in her research:  “As a woman feels financially secure and personally empowered her thoughts begin to shift from, ‘What do I have?’ to ‘How much can I give?’  As she stops wanting to be saved, she starts wanting to serve.”  That’s where we as R.A.D.I.C.A.L. women can all end up.

“For if you give, you will get!  Your gift will return to you in full and overflowing measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over.  Whatever measure you use to give — large or small — will be used to measure what is given to you.”  Luke 6:38 (The Living Bible)

 

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

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