In the middle of my divorce, sometimes I wanted to lose consciousness. I was in so much pain I was having trouble dealing with the reality of what was happening. While we are trying to recover from a midlife divorce, we are often just trying to stay afloat in a wild, uncontrolled sea of erratic emotions. Time seems to drag on interminably.
With new responsibilities and unfamiliar feeling we feel as we try to uncover who we are now and what our new life is going to be, we often become zombies simply trying to survive from day to day. We walk around in a fog of disbelief and disappointment, fear and worry and more sadness than we can assimilate. We are afraid to think very much because we’re afraid we might find ourselves in a cave of grief that we might never find our way out of.
As hard as it is to realize, this time is very important time. Even as we are overcome with grief, important work is going on. We are growing even though we think at first that our new life will never be very good. We slowly learn to move forward by rejoicing in those very small daily actions that keep us tied to this world because we feel as if all the big things of our life have been destroyed.
The following is something I read by Marianne Williamson that helped me rearrange my thinking in a positive way. “Watch. Wait. Time will unfold and fulfill its purpose. While we wait, we must not go unconscious. We must think and grow. Rejoice and dream, kneel and pray.” During divorce we are literally driven to our knees because the so-called easy solutions have failed and all that’s left is to fall on our knees and cry out for comfort and some sort of way forward.
I know all these things are true because I’ve been there. But I am far enough away from those days that I know the other part of Marianne’s quote is also true. “time will unfold and fulfill it’s purpose.” I think the purpose of that painful, crazy time during those early dark days is to give you space to discover who you really are and what your best life is really all about. The lessons you eventually learn, though agonizingly difficult while in process, make you resilient and acutely aware of all the glories and beauties of that story called “My Life.” Most people, sadly, never really understand the real beauty and joy of life because they’ve never agonized over it and searched for meaning in it as you are doing now.
So, watch and wait. Cry when you need to. Scream to the heavens when you must. Grieve fully. Then, if you’re open to it, your purpose will become clear and your life will be brighter and better and you ever dreamed. I know that’s true because I’m living of it. Watch and wait. Think and grow. Rejoice and dream. Kneel and pray, and it will happen to you too.
“So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less that total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision — you’ll see it yet! Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it.”