“Psychologists tell us that when a woman becomes financially independent, she gains self-assurance and peace of mind, and her relationships become healthier and more mature.” ~ Barbara Stanny, Prince Charming Isn’t Coming
Who Will Take Care Of It Now?
Myths die hard: Prince Charming is going to come to my rescue; someone else will take care of me financially; I can leave the money stuff to someone else.
I was one of those women, married in the late sixties, who took care of the kids and the home while my wasband made the money and all of the decisions about the money.
I did freelance work on the side our whole marriage, but my physician husband could make more in a day than I could make in a whole month. My father had paid the bills in my family, and I gladly let my wasband pay the bills in our family. We would talk things over generally, but he made the majority of the final decisions about finances.
Taking Control
After my divorce, I had a mountain of things to learn about money and finances after divorce. But to my surprise, I enjoyed learning it. With the help of a very kind, compassionate banker, I set up all of my own accounts.
Every new bit of control gave me a feeling of competence. I liked knowing exactly how much money I had; how much I could spend. I even enjoyed the power to decide to not buy something. It gave me confidence (with the accompanying fear and trembling) to buy a house on my own.
It all starts with us making the commitment to take control of our own financial future. We must say to ourselves, “I can do this. I will do this. I want to do this.” And then… start doing it. Feeling in control and trustworthy financially is a feeling that all of the money in the world can’t buy. Regardless of how little you have, you still have the ability to decide what to do with it from here on out.
“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?” ~ Luke 16-10-12 (NIV)
Its great to hear that you enjoyed the process of learning about finances again after divorce. I hope I am like that too after I am divorced from my husband. Wasn’t sure where else to post this, but has anyone ever used Thistoo before? I’m new to this support thing and I’m just looking for a ballpark estimate for how much spousal support I should be getting. It seems ok but i’ve never heard of anyone talk about it before. Thank you. Any help would be appreciated.