Dealing with all the junk of divorce

Dealing with all the junk of divorce


During a midlife divorce, many of the things we have to deal with are huge.  Our husband walks in one day and says, “I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’ with you.”  A seemingly content spouse comes in and says, “I’m not happy, I want out.”  A lifelong partner says, “I’ve never really loved you.”   Those are huge, life-changing events.

If your divorce is sure and you’ve tried everything to save your marriage, and you’re in this spot with no turning back, you are faced with lots of big stuff to deal with. You also have all that junk — dozens (or hundreds, or thousands!) of little things that bother you, annoy you, infuriate you and can destroy you if you don’t deal with them when they first show up.

Here’s a thought from Shakespeare in the play, King Henry VI Part 2 III.I.31.  “Now ’tis spring, and weeds are shallow rooted; Suffer them now and they’ll o’ergrow the garden.”  The little weeds of life overtake our garden in time if we don’t deal with them.  Little slights become a future of bitterness if we don’t face them and move on.  That’s true in our divorce, and at work and with family and friends. Deal with stuff before it gets big, and you’ll have room for the good things to grow.

If we don’t pull the weeds of bitterness, anger, worry, hate, dissatisfaction and discontent,  and instead let them fester and grow, they become a way of life. Then we have no garden at all.

I don’t want to become an ugly, dirty patch of overgrown weeds with little beauty or good in it at all. I want a flourishing, productive garden full of bright, colorful flowers and delicious strawberries!   I’m going to start by pulling any ugly weed I notice this spring … in my garden and in me!

“And please, don’t toss this off as insignificant.  it only takes a minute amount of yeast to permeate an entire loaf of bread.”  Galatians 5:9 (The Message)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.