“Between grief and nothing, I’ll take grief.” ~ Falukner
Good people often grieve. Those who hurt others with a full understanding of their actions don’t usually grieve, unless they come to their senses and at some point understand the damage they have done.
Grief means you comprehend the consequences of hurtful actions. I am not putting myself up as an unusually good person, but I do grieve when I have done something that hurts someone else. Especially someone I love.
If I feel ‘nothing,’ when I inflict hurt to others, that would mean my conscience is seriously damaged. Do any of us know a straying, adulterous, or calloused spouse who really grieves their actions? Most often they seem to feel nothing … no regret, no sorrow, no remorse. They go merrily along their way, regardless of who is hurt in the process.
To Truly Live, Is To Feel Hurt
In the history of my work with divorced people, all who did not want their divorces, grieved. Those (men and women, alike) who left their spouse ‘to find themselves, or to marry a younger person or to fulfill his or her dreams, never seem to grieve that decision. They leave the grieving to those who understand that grief is a normal reaction to wrong.
Grief means you understand good and evil. Grief means that you are a fully living, breathing, caring, loving human being. Grief is hard. But it reinforces the idea that some things deserve grieving. Good people will grieve life’s losses and then find a way to move forward, stronger, and more careful not to cause grief for others or hurt themselves.
The selfish, self-centered, unloving person feels … nothing. They not only do not feel the grief; they do not feel the joy of real love and real caring and real life. I agree with Faulkner, I’ll take grief and true, good life every time. The only other option is nothingness.
“If you set your heart on God and reach out to him …. You’ll forget your troubles; they’ll be like old, faded photographs. Your world will be washed in sunshine, every shadow dispersed by dayspring. Full of hope, you’ll relax, confident again; you’ll look around, sit back, and take it easy. …. but the wicked will see none of this. They’re headed down a dead-end road with nothing to look forward to –nothing.” ~ Job 11:13-20 (The Message)
Read more about the divorce grief stages.
Lean into the grief of your divorce.
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