Grow Or Die After Divorce


“However troublesome changes may be as we are living through them, we are almost always surprised in retrospect at the positive outcomes these negative situations bring.” ~ Dennis Wholey in The Miracle of Change

Midlife divorce is more than troublesome. It’s almost funny to think of it as so. All the changes I was forced to make during my divorce were truly devastating. Catastrophic. Gut-wrenching. And, now, many years out, I have to add … transformational.

Change = Growth

One of the writers I have been reading lately makes the point that change which is thrust upon us unexpectedly can have the most profound effect upon us. We generally don’t change much on our own accord. Growth comes when we are thrown into change without our consent. Sound like a familiar situation?

Most RADiCAL women are in this terrifying position. But a midlife divorce we didn’t want can absolutely transform our life because it demands that we grow exponentially… or die.

When our courage is tested, our true potential is found. Our real selves, our real power and our real faith come to light when something like midlife divorce blindsides us and makes us prove who we truly are. And that new person we become is phenomenal.


I went through my divorce, sobbing, kicking and screaming. But it’s been almost 10 years now, and I am still amazed at the incandescent lessons I’ve learned about God, myself, and the wild glory of life. I would have never learned those lessons without this explosion of divorce.

This week, just try (as impossible as it may seem) looking at your divorce as a gift. See it as your ticket to the most amazing discoveries you will ever make. Remind yourself that dramatic change brings the most profound and most enlightening transformation. Don’t waste this opportunity. Your life is going to be better than you can imagine.

“You did it! You changed my wild lament into whirling dance; you ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I’m about to burst with song. I can’t keep quiet about you. God, my God, I can’t thank you enough.” ~ Psalm 30:11, 12  (The Message)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.


  1. Joan Rose March 11, 2017 at 1:46 am - Reply

    Wow….I felt like you were talking to me! You are exactly right. My husband wanted a divorce after 29 yrs. of marriage( of.course, another woman was in the picture). I had gotten married @ the age of 17 & had never had to make a living for myself. I was so scared I thought I would die! I lived “Footprints in the Sand.” God picked me up & carried me & took care of me with no financial help from my ex. I started college & have been a RN for years now & I never was unable to pay a bill or went without anything I needed! I am still so amazed when I look back. All I can say is, “Thank You, Lord!” There is life after divorce..,maybe a much better life. I would love to meet a wonderful man & be married again, if it’s in God’s plan for me. I hope this helps someone else….you & God can do it!!

    • Lisa March 25, 2017 at 8:27 pm - Reply

      This does help. Your honest thoughts are appreciated. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Violet Snow September 24, 2018 at 12:36 pm - Reply

    It’s the truth my divorce was a gift the neg. The abuse went away. Growth happened all around me! It wasn’t easy there are days but oh the discoveries my health, love for myself love for the people that truly love me. Being able to do the things I love #1 the love of outdoors nature. You have to choose to live.

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