Guaranteed Misery During Divorce


Sometimes during divorce we make our own misery.  That’s dumb considering all the misery our wasband is making for us during the divorce process.

I found this hilarious book entitled How to Make Yourself Miserable by Dan Greenburg in my parents’ basement several years back when we were getting ready to sell their house.  The book covers topics like:

“What to brood about if you’re not rich or famous
How to regret everything you’ve ever done or should have done
How to lose your friends
Seventeen masochistic activities for the beginner
How to make yourself miserable about the past
How to make yourself miserable about the present”

It is really funny.  What’s not so funny is that, especially during divorce, we all do some of that stupid stuff that is in this book.   For example, here are a couple of Dan’s suggestions we almost all do at some point on the divorce journey:  “How to Make Yourself Miserable About the Future — Whether or not you can manage to remain miserable in the future is going to depend upon your ability to master two vital concepts:  (1) Refuse to accept what cannot be changed. (2) Establish completely unrealistic goals.”

Okay, let’s think about “refuse to accept what cannot be changed.”  That creates misery.  That creates depression.  That makes us crazy.  But we’ve all done it.  We may still be doing it.  And then we “establish completely unrealistic goals.”  goals that include “being perfect; always saying and doing the right thing; getting revenge for every injustice we’ve ever had to put up with in our entire life.”

When we read something like this, we laugh.  That’s good, but let’s don’t just laugh.  Let’s stop doing those dumb things that make us miserable.  We’re made for exuberance and celebration, not misery.

“The wage of a good person is exuberant life, an evil person ends up with nothing but sin.” Proverbs 10:16 (The Message)    (Hold on to this promise! – Suzy)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

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