How to find my identity after divorce

How to find my identity after divorce

2018-01-10T18:10:49+00:00

“Sometimes I feel like a blob — I don’t know who I am or what I’m here for.  I can’t seem to get identified.”  Ethel Barrett in her book Sometimes I Feel Like a Blob

Who of us during this midlife divorce recovery journey haven’t, at one time or another, felt like a blob?  We wonder who we are now?  We wonder what we’re here for.  I felt unsteady and unsure of myself on just about every level.  In fact, I was embarrassed.  I wondered if anyone really liked me. My self-esteem was gone completely.  I felt just about every negative thing about myself I could think of.  In other words, I felt like a big, fat, old, ugly blob of nothing good.

I met with another RADiCAL woman the other day, and she said at one point she just suddenly thought to herself, “Why am I letting the opinions and bad actions of one other person in this world destroy me or my life?”  I agree!  Great question.  My wasband is just one (misguided) person.  There are billions of other people in the world.  And in my own realm of influence, a lot of them actually like me and care about me and want the best for me.

Life is too short to waste any time pining over someone who doesn’t get it.  Who will probably never get it.  Who for all the real good he’s been doing lately, could be thrown out with the garbage.

There are too many people who do get it, and you’re one of them.  We can all attract others who know who they are and why they’re here.  In fact, we can each help other people realize how important they are.  When I get busy shining my light, my own world is brighter and more colorful.  And when I add my unique, God-given spice to whatever I’m doing, the delicacies of this feast of life taste better than they’ve ever tasted.  Now, I know more clearly who I am and what I’ve been created to do here!

“Let me tell you why you’re here:  You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God flavors of this earth.  If you lose your saltiness, you’ll be thrown out with the garbage because you won’t be doing anybody any good.  Here’s another eay to put it:  You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world.  Shine!  Keep open house!  Be generous with your lives!”  Matthew 5:13-16 (The Message)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.