“You are NOT your past actions. You are NOT your past failures. You are NOT how others have at one time treated you. You are ONLY who you think you are right now in this moment. You are ONLY what you do right now in this moment.” ~ Karen Salmansohn, Enough, Dammit: A Cynic’s Guide to Finally Getting What You Want Out of Life

The Past

On the midlife divorce recovery road, we often don’t know how to get away from the past. In support groups early on, I hear a lot about emotions caused by what has happened in the past. And that’s completely normal. There’s a lot of fear, rage, panic and despair. Those emotions reveal important information to us.


Let’s discuss rage. Who and what are we really enraged about? Usually there is anger with ourselves because we “wasted” the best years of our lives on someone who in reality is “just not that into us.”

And we are enraged at our wasbands for the destruction we see around us everywhere. We can manifest anger about pretty much everything that we have to deal with in response to our divorce.

But at some point, we have to give up the rage. After figuring out why we’re angry and creating strategies to use it productively, we have to let it go.

I used to think I would always be angry about my divorce on some level. But, I eventually figured out that continual anger about the same issue in my past destroyed my present, and made a promising future virtually impossible.

The Present

The moment we should be concentrating on is the present. This is the moment we have control over, not what happened in the past.

Don’t waste another unnecessary second on your past. You have a fantastic new life to create! You can choose to use this moment wisely… or not. One thing is certain; this shining moment will never come around again. Today is up to you.

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” ~ Philippians 3:13 (The Living Bible)

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Radical Recovery - By Suzy Brown

Transforming the Despair of Your Divorce Into an Unexpected Good
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