“When you are under the domination of others you degenerate into something less than a complete person.” ~ Frank Rudolph Young, Secret Mental Powers
“When you are dominated by someone, your best thinking and behavior are submerged and allowed to rise back only to the level to which your dominator will permit. Your whole make-up is enslaved to his whims and fancies and is subservient to his moods. Since he will consider you only as a good-natured robot with half the intelligence he has, he treats you like one and converts you into such a creature because your physiological language attunes itself to that state.” (Young)
As a Christian woman, all of my efforts in marriage were to be a helper to my then-husband. However as I look back, it was completely one-sided. It wasn’t until after my midlife divorce that I began to see how unequal our marriage was.
If I disagreed with anything significant my ex wanted, I was “selfish.” If I wanted to rein in our budget, I was “a stick in the mud who never wanted to have any fun.” If I mentioned his drinking, I was being “self-righteous.”
Even after our divorce, my ex did not like it when I started standing up for myself. For the first time it became clear how I had been letting people dominate me. This is not real love.
If you have been in a domineering relationship, give yourself time to heal, and surround yourself with people who love and cherish all of you, exactly as you are.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud; it does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)