Lonely For Myself After Divorce

2018-01-10T18:10:27+00:00

“We’ve been so busy being the good wife… the good mother… the good daughter, the outstanding employee, the successful entrepreneur, and everyone else’s idea of what ‘perfect’ is supposed to be that we’ve lost touch with who we really are.” Elaine St. James, author of Living the Simple Life



Who Am I?

“’I’m lonely for myself.” (Erin, 9th Grader)

So, who am I? After a midlife divorce that question seems to loom larger than ever. Even though we may no longer have the label “wife,” we strive to fulfill all of the roles that still apply… mother, daughter, friend, employee and a myriad of other names we attach to ourselves.

But the truth is, it’s okay that our descriptions or labels may shift. There is really only one, all-encompassing identity that we need to focus on. And it supersedes every single role we fill (or no longer fill).

Discovering Our True Identity

I struggled for quite awhile with letting go of my identity as a wife. No longer being bound to my wasband left me feeling lost.

But the truth is, ceasing to be his wife did not change who I was on the deepest level. I am, above all else, a worthy, unique, loved, cherished, and embraced child of the Most High God of Heaven! And His unfathomable love for me (and you) is steadfast and unshakeable. He never abandons or moves on to someone He likes better.

Child Of God

We should do the best we can to fill all of our earthly roles (mom, sister, friend, etc.) within the context of our true identity as God’s child. But when we are doing our best before God, His opinion is the only one that really matters, not that of the people who surround us.

The result is that we re-discover who we really are: a beloved, whom God has promised to bless in unimaginable ways. Trust in that promise. Be that person completely. It supersedes and enriches all of the other roles we will ever have.

“The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.” ~ Proverbs 29:25 (The Message)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

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