More people are getting married after 50 than ever before. Our culture is more accepting of divorce, and so it makes sense that more people are marrying or remarrying in our 50s. A person whose spouse dies, is also more likely to remarry than not, so there are more “available” 50+ partners than ever before. The good news is, marriage after 50 can bring fun, security and adventure that sometimes doesn’t happen when we’re younger.
Marriage After 50 Statistics
Have you suddenly started seeing more 50+ dating sites advertised during your favorite television shows? You’re not imagining that. Senior online dating choices are everywhere!
According to recent “marriage after 50” statistics, Pew research , divorce for people in midlife has almost doubled since the 1990s. Part of this phenomena is because many baby boomers grew up embracing “free love,” or whatever it took for “my” pleasure. We’ve carried that demand for personal fulfillment into our lives after our marriage fails or our spouse dies.
Want to start healing today?
Take the first steps in your recovery with our crash course.
Why Get Married After 50?
If you’re single at 50+, you’re likely still healthy and will eventually want to get married again. There are people who are so devastated and angry about divorce, they close their heart to finding love again, but for most people, that is not the case. Most midlife people remarry within four years after their divorce.
Speaking from experience, marriage after 50 can be just as exciting as marriage in your 20s or 30s. After all, 50 is supposedly the new 30! After 50, after a divorce, if we have done the healing work we need to do, we usually have a clearer idea of what we’re looking for.
When I married at 21, my list of “must haves” was different than my list when I remarried at 53. It was also easier to cross someone off of my list after 50 when I knew they weren’t marriage material! Life is short, and I knew what I wanted and wasn’t afraid to end a relationship that wasn’t good for me. I hear the same from women who come to us for help.
Love & Companionship!
After divorce or the death of a spouse, two of the hardest things to deal with are the loss of romantic love and simple companionship. The absence of those intimate daily connections with another human being after our spouse leaves is devastating to most women.
When our company did research a few years back, loneliness is one of the hardest issues to deal with after a 50+ divorce. We are experiencing a lot of loss around that time in our lives. Our bodies are changing … menopause and midlife crises sometimes wreak havoc on our physical and emotional selves.
Sometimes, that is what causes our divorce. Usually men, and now more women, are willing to break their marriage vows to deal with those challenges. That’s a cowardly way to deal with something that all of us inevitably face.
Other losses in our fifties include the fact that our children are more independent and leaving home. The “empty nest” is difficult after you have had a houseful of people for 20 or 25 years. Our parents are usually needing more help from us at this time, too. The loss of a parent, to death or dementia, is a serious adjustment as well.
Many people who divorce in their 50s are alone for the very first time. The loneliness can overwhelm us. After divorce, women feel desperate to find love and companionship to ease those losses of midlife. That is one reason some people get into marriage or remarriage too soon.
Loneliness emphasizes our need for companionship and increases our desire for marriage after 50 years old. Marrying at this age can seem terrifying, but, with good sense and self-confidence, and not desperation, we have a better chance than ever of a happy second marriage after 50.
Cost of Living & Finances
In our company’s research, we discovered that finances are in the top three issues of most concern to women after a midlife divorce. It’s less true for the younger boomers, but many of the over 50 women are less financially self-sufficient than younger women.
In my situation, My first husband and I got married in college. I worked to help support us while my husband was in medical school until our children were born. I was especially vulnerable after our divorce 33 years later. I was unprepared to financially support myself like I would have been if I had been following my own career path.
Most women after a 50+ divorce are financially at risk. About 25 percent live below the poverty level. Most women, among other things, want to find someone who can at least help pay the bills.
At the same time, many of the 50+ men are looking for a younger woman. Many older men are drawn to women below them on the economic scale. That’s why in my work every day with women going through midlife divorce, I hear so much about successful men running off with their massage therapist, their administrative assistant, a waitress or a nurse.
Most marriages and remarriages after 50 years of age aren’t based solely on the finances, but women, especially, will usually cross off a future partner who will not be able to support himself or help financially in the new marriage.
Second Marriage After 50
When I was first divorced at 53, I thought I would never be really happy again. It took me a long time to get myself back. I was lost under layers of sadness, anger, bitterness and fear, and it took me longer than I wanted to feel normal again.
In my 10+ years of doing midlife divorce recovery work, I have discovered that the after 50 couples who create happy second marriages are those who take the time to do the grief work and healing work that is necessary after the end of a marriage. Don’t rush it. Be kind to yourself and be patient with the process.
Living Together vs. Marriage After 50
It is definitely a trend among young people to live together before, or instead of, getting married. Some older people do that, too, even though most research shows that people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who do not.
Unmarried couples living together are almost always having sex before marriage and that can dramatically change the relationship. It takes it to a deeper level, especially for women. If you are living with someone as opposed to just dating, It is more traumatic and complicated to end that relationship, but it’s still easier than splitting up after marriage.
Some older couples, who because of their religious tradition, feel as if they cannot remarry after divorce. Regardless of your situation, the question of whether to live together or get married is one question that you need to settle in your own mind before you even start dating.
Sometimes we are so hungry for sex and for the companionship and other intimacies of a relationship that we make decisions based on that, rather than looking carefully at the whole person we are dating.
PS – I read somewhere that middle-aged men are the least careful of all male demographics to NOT practice safe sex! Just saying!
How Long To Date Before Marriage After 50?
Read more about Dating After 50
My rules are: Do not date until you have done the grieving and healing you need to do after the end of your first marriage. A counselor told me to expect one year of healing for every 5-7 years of marriage. I said, “I don’t have that long! I might be dead by then.” Another said one month of healing for every year of marriage. That got me down to about 3 years.
Those long time frames are what encouraged me to develop a program that can take women through a structured program of healing that can be completed in one calendar year or even faster if you’re dedicated to the process.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger, author and relationship advisor, always said three years is the minimum time to date before marraige. For me, it was more like a year and a half or two years. I would err on the side of taking your time rather than jumping in too soon. Going through a 2nd or 3rd divorce, is something to avoid at all costs!
Finances & Future Planning When Marrying After 50
By the time you are thinking of marrying after a divorce, one of the things we encourage all women to do is to find out exactly where you stand financially. Many 50+ women did not take care of the finances in their first marriage.
Meet with someone who can help you figure out where you are financially. Go to a professional or find a community center or church that offers basic financial awareness services. Don’t skip this step of your after-divorce to-do list!
Before you marry, especially after 50, you must talk about your finances! And as hard as it is, you should have your financial histories out on the table with nothing held back. Meeting with an accountant is often a wise step to take.
Talk about savings and marital assets that you each bring to the marriage and discuss how they will be handled. Talk to a financial planner. Talk about taxes and Social Security and how those will affect your future financial stability.
Do not get married without a clear view of the financial situation you are committing to.
Should You Get A Prenup?
If you are thinking of marriage after 50, you should get some agreements in writing. Talk to your attorney and ask if he or she can put together a prenuptial agreement. You will probably need to get an estate planner involved if you have assets that needs to be protected.
Money is a hard thing to talk about, but your financial security and your future depends on both of you being honest and open about it before marriage. If you have assets you want to pass on to children or grandchildren, definitely get an agreement in writing that ensures what you want to happens, happens.
Pre-Marital Debt
It’s especially important that you find out about all debt, including bankruptcy, that might be affecting any future partner’s financial picture. End the relationship if anyone will not be open about his or her financial details. Do a background check if you need to.
Estate Planning
If you are thinking of marrying after 50, especially if you have money or assets of your own, you should definitely meet with an estate planner. If you have savings, IRAs, 401Ks, property or other assets, you must get professional help in protecting what you need to protect.
Most attorneys will have a list of reputable estate planners. Ask your friends and people you trust who they used for their estate issues. If a potential marriage partner is upset by you wanting to get this kind of help, run as fast as you can!
Conclusion
Getting married after 50 certainly has its share of complications and pitfalls. But the rewards of finding love again at any stage of life is worth the risk! Take precautions, but be open to finding that person who will bring joy and fun and all kinds of good things to your life. It happened for me and it can happen for you!
Take The First Step In Your Divorce Recovery
Where do people over fifty meet and socialize? When we were younger we met friends and dates in college. We already know everyone at church and most of them are so old and depressed.
hi Matt,
do what you love… activities… a new class at the local college. you will meet someone then that may resonate with you. this time in your life is about you and making you happy . All the rest will fall into place. Best of luck, Dawn
I like this article but I disagree with the “do what you love” approach. It sounds logical and practical but in ten years of life after single this catch phrase has never worked. I haven’t even met someone, let alone dated them. With four relationships including a serious one, all were through work. One was a bar (ugh).
Thank you Collette. I think it’s time to put that myth to bed. Just go out and do what you love will get you a lot of women friends, which is great. But to say that you will meet a male romantic partner that way is wishful thinking. It only makes the loneliness worse, when you wonder why you have failed where others tell you it was so simple to succeed.
Should you divorce a man who is loving and financially responsible but disinterested in sex
This is my question as well.
Why have sex if you don’t want to have a baby? Oops. I’m an ace. It’s up to you. How important is sex to you? Only you know what you “should” do.
Is a man disinterested in sex because a woman is old, overweight, and wrinkled?
Wow it is a whole lot of bitter people in the world…
I agree with Marie. I am a widow and I don’t feel or act my age. I enjoy every minute I am with my partner. We so much in common ans now after almost 4 years are talking about moving in together. We are taking it slow to make sure we get it right. If you want something you have to work hard to achieve it and this includes a relationship.
I don’t see much to any benefit of remarriage for the man. The only advantage early on is to raise a family. Try to give your kids a good two parent home.
Remarriage at this age is really a contract with too many outs. Back in the old days marriage was commitment. These days it can be ended within a day and finalized in three to six months with all kinds of financial consequences.
If marriage was real, I think it would be wonderful. But if you take it apart, it’s a very risky proposition that you can follow in these comments. If your wife gets mad, not happy about anything, and decides to leave, what then? And we are talking about being around ten to fiftheen years to retirement. Should money be spent divorcing and paying attorneys for us folks getting ready to reitire?
And they say prenups… Well those are getting thrown out more and more these days in the family courts. There are no safeguards anymore.
And I say this as I have given up on dating, I found that most women my age wanted to know where I stood in retirement plans after the 5-8th date. If I would be willing to relocate later on and sale my paid off house, and make some big investments to start a new future. And of course I look at it like, less risks. Less income soon, and these women are ready for the next 15 years like they just graduated college.
Quincy, I so agree. Its sad. I don’t think it’s right for someone to come along and take advantage of all that you’ve worked for all your life. And take advantage of a good soul. I have been there, and it’s devastating. I simply wish you well.
I believe the biggest reason for divorce is that couples are not putting God first in their marriage. They rush in before they really get to know each other. They don’t allow the needed time to become friends first and obviously not taking their marriage vows seriously! They meet at all the wrong places: like bars, where both are usually drinking. Umm. Can you truly know someone while under the influence of alcohol?? You can find true love again in after 50! You can find true love again after divorce! You can find true love again after losing a spouse! You can’t just go out looking for your fleshly desires… lust! I am not saying that there should not be physical attraction. Despite your faith, (if you have it) let’s be honest here. What’s the first thing you notice about a women, or man? Physical attraction! But… once you allow yourself the time to get to know that person, become friends first, you don’t care so much about their outer looks, their flaws, scars, wrinkles, their past. You learn to love that person for their inside beauty! Their heart! You learn to love the person they are now! They way they make you feel, they way they make you smile and laugh! The little thing’s… like: remembering your birthday, anniversary, (and, no! Irs not about lavish gifts! Its about remembering… saying “Happy Birthday” Happy Anniversary” your middle name, where you were born, your families names, your favorite color, your favorite song, your favorite flower. All these thing’s will last a lifetime if your heart is in it. Both of you will get much older one day, but if you truly love them that won’t matter! Bottom line, too many people are trying to choose their own life partner. Trying to take control out of loneliness and desperation! Give it to God and He WILL send you a Godly man, or women. Be patient. In His perfect timing!
Can you please stop all the god talk? It’s obnoxious, assuming, and offensive. If it works for you, great. Most people find it invasive when someone preaches. I am an ethical, loving person just because, not because of religion.
Ms. Mundy, thank you for putting this conversation in a biblical perspective. That is exactly what is mussing from marriage. For those who find God invasive, that is your choice. Please leave others to theirs.
As a 50+ woman whose raised her kids & has her own home & handling her finances, it’s just as frustrating trying to contemplate marrying again after being in a 4 year relationship with a man that I just asked to consider pre-marriage counseling to discuss everything openly. And to be told he doesn’t need it as he’s been married before. Well very true but not married to me & everyone can benefit from counseling with someone who will help you discuss things that appear to be awkward. I feel uncertain about him laying everything on the table. We’ve lived together for over a year & it was brutal as we tried to blend families with his kids. Needless to say, it didn’t work & they were asked to leave. I stressed to him to finish raising his kids & if we were meant to be, I’d try & wait for him. He chose to stay & relocate one child as the others were basically adults 21 & 19. I thought I wanted to re-marry but now I’m more uncertain than I’ve ever been. So it’s not just older men not seeing the value or purpose of remarrying it’s also 50+ women who are bringing much to the table who also have a lot of reserve to fact of remarrying as well.
I’m with you Beth! If a woman is financially secure and has raised her family she has more to lose if she repartners with a man who still has children . Not only are the financial implications frightening but also a woman could be signing herself up for a life of looking after others.
No! By 60 or after menopause you won’t care. Cuddle. Talk. Play
I think remarrying for the sake of it is not a good goal. Finding someone to love and connect with is my goal after I am done healing. I wouldn’t want to impose any expectation on him other than to be honest and be himself. I would want the same in return. The goal is companionship and understanding. That’s the way I see it. And if we both one day decide that it makes sense for us to marry, then that’s fine too. I would rather be spending time with people I care about than going through another divorce potentially.
I’m 54, divorced for over fifteen years, retired and dating a 51year old widower. We both have our own homes and one child still at home in both places over 21. We are planning to marry next year. We travel at least twice a year and have date night at least twice a month. He is still working and plan on retiring in three years. I look forward to becoming the Mrs. He tells everyone we are married already but of course the family knows differently, now we have set a date and his family is totally against it. He helps out a great deal with his grown siblings issues. Its just hard knowing they don’t want us together and he tends not to talk openly around them. Could this be a problem?
Wow! The male comments would put any self respecting woman off marrying again. What a bunch of biiter misogynists. I wonder though why if they are so certain they are dead set against it they are visiting this article in the first place?
Who hurt you?
As a wealthy investor I won’t date a single mom because she has already shown poor judgement. Single women are not all saints and can sometimes be far worse than the problems associated with single mothers. I often caution young men who work for me regarding single moms. When I see a tatted up and pierced woman I immediately rule her out also. She obviously has esteem issues that led her to deface her body and these issues will surface at some point. I don’t want her on my arm at an elegant event with colleagues and have all those tattoos exposed down her neck, back, arms etc… they just look trashy ladies so don’t do it.
There are men suited for single moms but in general single moms don’t want them but must settle for them, Beta males! These men will accept the job as cuck and provider for someone else’s children. A huge problem for single mom’s is also that many modern males have no drive for success. The adolescent millenial men who play video games all day, smoke pot and generally just want to do nothing are not good options even for single mothers. My advice for successful men is to avoid the #metoo problems and just set a sugar baby contract where you can have the company of a female when needed but not the expense or drama of having to deal with them all the time. This strategy is becoming more popular amongst the older 40’s – 60’s wealthier men. Be sure to have the arrangement drawn up by an attorney so it’s airtight for you!
Not all single moms — are single moms of choice. My husband died when I was 38 and my son was 4. I have raised him, continued teaching, and will soon retire after 30 years of teaching. I have had former students who became teen moms and then went on to become college graduates. It is worth getting to know the person. Very few people walk through life without some difficulty.
Sounds like you are a narcissist or have issues with women.
To generalize and label people without knowing how they got there says a lot about you. The fewer women you date, the better.
If this was just put here just to get a response, very immature. BTW, I am a highly educated single mother, and not by choice. My soon to be ex walked out on us, after 8 years of marriage, was emotionally abusive and narcissistic the whole marriage. Because of HIS problem, not me (though I am not perfect but suggested we get help, etc. but his pride and his demons wouldn’t let him): sex addiction which leads him in prison with the possibility of being registered as a sex offender. Something to think about.
This comment is almost a year old, I hope that since then, you really have taken a hard look at your inner self and have gotten treatment for your past trauma with women or some other issues.
Where are the women who are equally successful, or more successful, than these men who are stuck in the mindset that they will have to support the “little lady”? I am seeing a wonderful man in his 50’s (I am 48) who is most definitely an alpha male and treats me as an equal because that is what I am. We each are active with many individual interests, have wonderful careers, own our homes, do not have debt, have solid investments and strong overall financials. Due to both of our children being in their late teens, we will not marry at this time. The upheaval it would cause in their lives is unnecessary. That is not to say we will not marry down the road, knowing that we bring not just equal financial assets but share the same values. Yes, he opens doors and treats me as a gentleman should. I am a lady, after all, and would not settle for being treated otherwise. If you find an intelligent, attractive, successful, and well balanced person who you get to know slowly and love deeply, why rule out making a real commitment? My mother remarried in her 50’s to a wonderful man and they had many happy years together.
Please stop portraying all woman as silly, gold digging, unstable idiots just like women, such as myself, do not portray all men as greedy, small minded, only out for one thing, boars.
There is no reason to get married!! Just get a sugar baby contract and have a sweet woman on your arm whenever t=you want and send her home when you want alone time. Tip…. avoid women with tattoos they have emotional issues that caused them to deface their bodies, these issues will surface at some future point! Also those tats look trashy when you try to take her to an elegant event and though her dress looks great the tats on her neck, back, legs etc. make her look like trailer trash!!
Capitalist….You are batshit crazy and totally offensive!
Only in your opinion, but I think he’s got a point.. lol..
IGNORE HIM!…HE’S JUST TRYING TO WIND PEOPLE UP AND YOUR TAKING THE BATE!
IF YOU CAREFULLY READ HIS POSTS, HE CLEARLY FEELS INADEQUATE AND BITTER! HE WONT EVEN BE ABLE TO GET A WOMAN….THAT’S WHY HE’S TRYING TO PROVE HIMSELF JUST IGNORE!
Nothing last forever and everything eventually fade.. Its not about how it start or how it go. Its always about how it end. Be happy with who you are first and share that happiness with someone that’s willing to accept. Second relationship and marriage will only work if you are happy yourself to start with
Let’s keep the language on this site respectful. We can each speak our truth in a way that is compassionate and helpful.
I am a 58 year old female. I have been living with a man for 2 years or rather he with me. I talked about us getting married and he said he never wants to marry. We started building a new house which he will pay for. My question is should I leave because he doesn’t want to marry him? Maybe I’m not the one.
Wow so are you just putting him up till the house gets built.You say we are building a house it takes more than money to build a house sounds like he had some unresolved commitment issues guard your heart and your time.
Agree!
My boyfriend and I have been living together for 4 years…sometimes I love him some not so much.
He is selfish and doesn’t treat me like I mattere yet he takes all over the world.. he doesn’t want to marry should I stay or should I go
Don’t ever get married she will suck every dime you have out of the bank account! Sex will be terrible, again this is so she can wrap her fingers your neck and squeeze you dry. And when you develope erectile dysfunction she will cry and moan and will want a divorce and steal all your retirement and SS leaving you with nothing and possibly living in a card board box under a bridge down town.
Nowadays unfortunately most single women have just too many very high super standards which is why many of us single men can’t meet a good woman today at all. Funny how most women back in the past were the very complete opposite of today, and very easy to meet as well just like our family members had it.
As a woman nearing 50, I most often date men in their mid 30s – not only because men of their generation are less sexist and more considerate as lovers, but also because I have found most men of my generation to be sexually and emotionally coercive, with many harmful sexist expectations baked into their relationships based on their parents’ relationships.
As religion becomes less mainstream, many people in Europe in particular are choosing not to marry. The expectation in previous generations has been that “’til death us do part” provides insurance that we won’t be alone as we age or when we are ill or dying. Given present divorce rates, to me it is more honest to acknowledge that having a community of friends and family (either by blood or by choice) is the only truly dependable safety net in life.
I have the good fortune of being financially independent, although my means are modest, and of having an empty nest. My time is my own and when I choose to spend it with someone, I do so because I like how I feel when I’m with that person, not because I’m waiting around for a ring or other outdated extravagances.
With respect to men my own age and older, I would be open to meeting someone who disproves my earlier statements but for now, I’m not lacking company, I’m sexually much more satisfied, and enjoy the appreciation that I receive from younger men who value my life experiences, insights, and sexual confidence.
The women today have changed completely since finding love today really isn’t easy at all for many of us single men very seriously looking. A lot of very high maintenance women everywhere since they just want the very best of all, and will never settle for less due to their greed and selfishness that they have nowadays unfortunately. American women are the worst of all since most of them are real gold diggers now, and will usually go with much older men for money which makes them real users and total losers to begin with.
A 50+ age is really when a person feels free to worship his/her God and enjoy spare time left in this globe.I am my 55 male but sexually active enough more than any time else.My marriage is 25 years and we have grown two beautiful daughters. The problem now is no thing else but my wife is ignorant of sex and very cool.At the end of the day I need to enjoy the sex but she is closed for that matter.I am am being tempted and wish what if I had a partner (young) who value sex in the first place. But I am in a religious position who are strict in the words of God. I am in temptation. What adivce you make for me??