Misery, Pain, Change And Divorce


“The day inevitably comes when the part of me that wants health more than sickness, or joy more than sorrow, or serenity more than turmoil wakes up and demands I pay attention. Finally, I am willing to try something different because the pain has become too much for me to continue. Then, and only then, do I surrender.” ~ Liz, case study from The Miracle of Change

The Loss Of Security

One of the hardest aspects of divorce is the huge amount of change you face. We are inundated with personal changes that are just an addition to the incredible amount of change that is already happening in the world around us.

Some things are supposed to stay the same, we think. “I can deal with the changes in the culture and in our country if my main foundation is secure,” we say.

Our marriages were our safe haven, our foundation. But through the divorce process they transform into the most unstable thing of all. But just how much misery would you be willing to endure to avoid change? How much anguish and pain, deception and abuse are you willing to put up with?

In the book, The Miracle of Change, Liz, a successful executive, made the following observation: “I’ll make a contract with misery if there is just a whiff of hope that I can control the outcome of events. Until I can’t.”

Courage To Face A New Journey

Can you control the fact that your wasband is leaving, or has already left (either physically or emotionally)? Can you think of a more profound misery than trying to convince him that you’re worth hanging on to when he has already decided to move on? Why wallow around in this pit of refusing to change any longer?

What has happened is done. And what he wants is clearer now than ever. You can’t change his actions, but you can change yourself. You can change your attitude about what’s next.

Don’t let fear force you to settle for a life of misery. Your courage will continue to grow as you move forward on your new journey. Embrace the change!

“I am holding you by your right hand — I, the Lord your God — and say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid; I am here to help you.'” ~ Isaiah 41:13 (The Living Bible)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.


  1. sylvia January 27, 2017 at 6:21 pm - Reply

    what a blessing to have a place that you can open up your heart to,i think that good friends that were couple friends are awkward when you meet as you without him there what do you say?, yes we have seperated no,they want details! so you leave it at we can still get together. even family gets worn out from all the drama that you bring with you! this is a place that is the time you can share without feeling like yep scratch them off your list of you and him friends! so thank you ladies for this place where we can empty out our heart and soul,and then you move on!

  2. Iris Black August 9, 2017 at 2:43 pm - Reply

    Thanks for the great advice. Change can be difficult in any situation, even more so when it is associated with the end of a significant relationship. What I’ve realized is that no matter what you are going through, you are not alone. So, talk about what you are experiencing, even if it seems to cause pain right now. Finding support can be of immense help while you start out on a whole new chapter of life.

  3. Lisa August 25, 2017 at 9:07 am - Reply

    It’s been a year since my husband and I got divorced, but it still hurts. We were happy or at least I thought things were going well! Anyway, I think the pressure of trying to show others we were perfect was one factor. No one is perfect! It’s okay to show others that you fight or have issues from time to time. I just wish I could have known his heart sooner so it wouldn’t have come to this.. 🙁

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