Moving past the past after divorce


Learn the lessons of the past, but don’t get stuck there after divorce. Embrace life this moment!

“Living in the present tense meant living like a child, or as I had come to define it, living in the purity of the ticking moment.”   Alice Steinbach

Does your midlife divorce have you stuck living in the past instead of grabbing hold of the present moment?  If we want to recover, we absolutely have to give up living in the past.  We can learn from the past, we can evaluate the past, but we must not live there.  If you need to, take one whole day or a weekend or an hour or whatever it takes and just immerse yourself completely in any part of the past you want to.  Distant past.  (You can always blame your parents!).  Or your recent past (You can always blame your wasband!)  Or the past in general (You can blame your astrological sign!).  Or you can decide not to blame anybody or anything and just accept it.  After you spend  time dwelling totally on whatever part of the past you want, put it away.  Appreciate the lessons you have learned, and then take a deep breath and start living as Alice Steinbach describes it in the “purity of the ticking moment.”  If you are fully living in the moment, in the now, this very second, you can make it whatever you want.  Appreciate it.  Revel in it.  Do what you want with it.  Embrace it.  Don’t ruin your present landscape with big boulders from your past life.  Don’t waste this moment being afraid of the future.  Just live this very instant like you want.  Make the choices you want.  Love yourself.  Do something kind with full awareness.  Get completely into cooking something or creating something or planting flowers or reading a book or running through a creek or working on an important project.  Just grab hold of this glorious present moment and let it completely envelope you however you spend it.  Today, all day, be aware of the “purity of the ticking moment.”  Involve all of your senses in appreciating what you are doing in this moment.  Don’t let it slip by without noticing the grandeur of it and the blessings in it.

“Seize life!  Eat bread with gusto, drink wine with a robust heart.  God takes pleasure in your pleasure.”   Ecclesiastes 9:7 (The Message)


About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.


  1. Roxy | Online Divorce Washington DC August 16, 2012 at 1:14 am - Reply

    Divorce can really become the painful experience that will make moving on difficult to do but it will be important to keep in mind that the earlier you start with your new life and embrace whatever it may hold, the better chance of getting the best results out of the process.

    • Xea October 18, 2012 at 11:25 pm - Reply

      than the other way around? It seems as tuohgh just continue living their lives if gain weight and act as if nothing happened but just become upset at for gaining weight. I heard that are more shallow because they are visual. But I also heard that initiate 2/3 of the divorces. But are more likely to divorce because of this reason? or are equally as shallow?I don’t approve of anyone getting fat but nobody’s is perfect so they are going to gain a little weight.

Leave A Comment