My biggest divorce recovery mistake


The Sisterhood Speaks:  Guest Blog

My biggest mistake going through divorce – by Brenda

Holding on too hard too long.  I come from a family of risk-avoiders.  If I could change one thing on this life journey it would be to get more comfortable tolerating risk.  I realize in hind-site, that the greater my level of fear the greater death-grip with which I hold onto everything I thought I needed to feel safe and secure, from possessions, money, to people, jobs and routines. 

I sometimes hold on long after these things no longer bring comfort or fit anymore, sometimes they have even become painful, but they are known and “safe” none-the-less.  Now I can see more clearly that life is a journey on a boat on a sometimes calm and sometimes rough sea.  Risk is inherent, unavoidable, and dare I saw “healthy” (still scary to me to even think that out loud).  My role is not to fight to stay on dry land or safely in the harbor, but is to navigate those seas. 

Trusting in my own and in God’s strength, wisdom and resources is what I need to sustain me on the journey.  I am still learning and growing in this area.  But the times when I am able to do this well bring an incredible peace, joy and freedom from fear and worry that are amazing!  Letting go of some of my former beliefs about risk, about what I need to feel safe and secure, and instead replacing those beliefs with greater dependency and trust in God, acceptance of help from others, and increasing my tolerance for the discomfort of risk have been incredibly valuable lessons, … scary, but valuable.

“A ship in harbor is safe – but that is not what ships are for.” –John A. Shedd

Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people don’t. They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever.” –Philip Andrew Adams

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.  Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” –Helen Keller

Thank you to Brenda for this great blog.  Be sure to send your “Sisterhood Speaks” Guest Blog to

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

One Comment

  1. Fessl October 19, 2012 at 12:19 am - Reply

    No way. I wouldn’t want a patnerr with kids in the first place, too much baggage, but a single mother with two children from two different fathers is a form of repellent. She might be a very nice woman, and exceptions to the rule and all that, but it’s very likely she has issues and it appear she lives her life in a very irresponsible and destructive manner. Not for me, thanks.

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