How to stop being needy during divorce

How to stop being needy during divorce

2018-01-10T18:10:49+00:00

At the beginning of any grieving period, especially the grief of midlife divorce and in the process of recovery, we are needy.  But here’s something to think about from Andrea Aelion Brooks, an author and journalist:  “Appearing needy – at any age – is known to be a turnoff.”  Yikes.  I was really, really needy during my divorce.

Okay, so what do we do?  There are some times in life when we definitely are needy and one of those times is when we are faced with divorce especially after a significant time as a family.  That’s a fact.  We need support.  We need friends and family.  We need God.  We need about every kind of help we can get.  Financial.  Emotional.  Spiritual.  Physical.  And that’s okay.  In fact, that’s normal, so don’t try to get through the early stages of your recovery journey on your own!

Don’t be embarrassed to admit you’re needy.  We have all been there, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of even for us “independent, I-can-do-this-myself types like me.  I was embarrassed I was so needy, but in looking back, I should not have been and neither should you.

Having said that, the reality is that at some point, we need to start getting back on our feet.  We need to stand up again and take charge again and look forward again.  It doesn’t come overnight.  Courage comes back in little increments. First, we get out of bed.  Then next is a getting to work or to the gym for a workout or getting your kids to school.

Then as we get farther along, the less needy we are, the better off we’ll be.  People will be patient with our neediness for a while.  But sooner rather than later, everyone wants to see us getting better and moving on.  And especially, if you are far enough along in your recovery that you are starting to think about dating again, remember that the more confident and assured you are, the more appealing your are.

Keep in mind that if you’re a person of faith, you can rest assured that God is taking care of you regardless of how you feel.  Trust that reality.  Our higher power has promised to supply what we need in every area of our life.  When you find yourself clothed in the promises of a God who will never fail you, you should have all the confidence you need.
“You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need …”  Philippians 4:19a (The Message)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.