New Life after divorce? Yeah, right. Yeah, right!

New Life after divorce? Yeah, right. Yeah, right!


In the not-too-distant past, during my midlife divorce nightmare, I felt like nothing was as “as it should be.”  At times I felt as if my life was the complete opposite of what it should be.  My husband loved another woman and told her he had never loved anyone like he loved her.  At least that’s what she told me.  Our children were confused and angry.  Friends didn’t quite know what to do with me.  My family was having to love me along every day.  I felt discouraged, dejected and disappointed in myself.

For most of my life, all had been pretty much everything anyone could hope for.  I had a storybook life for most of those years.  Just living in a country with freedom to pursue what we all want is a gift beyond imagining.  So I was unaccustomed to deprivation, soul-wrenching sadness and despair.

What got me thinking about all this this morning was an article in the Kansas City Star by Mindi Ellis in a section called the “Faith Walk.” This bright clear morning holds a faint cooling breeze, children are all safe and happy, grandchildren growing and full of potential, enough to pay the bills, so it’s easy to say, “all is as it should be.”  But that’s definitely not how I felt during those agonizing half a dozen years of the affair and the process of divorce.

But now that my growing, refining experience is over, I can say that even that difficult detour into divorce despair was “as it should be” in a certain way.  My faith is stronger than ever.  My priorities are in a better place. I understand that I’m in charge of my own happiness. I realize that life still holds everything I need even during those times of doubt and struggle and outright agony.  That comforting realization can happen to you, too.  It’s all in how we view life.  We can decide to rise above our divorce.  We can choose to do good things and bless other people every day.  We can focus on the silver lining even in the clouds of despair.  Every thing is as it should be because we get to choose how it will be for us every day.

The woman who wrote the article in the K.C. star mentioned a friend who keeps this note stuck to her mirror as a daily reminder:  “Take today off, I’ve got it from here. — Love, God.”  Today lets choose to make our life wonderful and take the day off from sadness, depression, worry and fear.  We truly have absolutely everything we need even if it doesn’t seem like it on the surface.

“Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!”  Psalm 23:1 (The Living Bible)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.