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When I was first divorced, online divorce dating (or any other kind of after-divorce dating) was absolutely the furthest thing from my mind! In fact, I could not even imagine being in any romantic relationship because I was still doing the hard work of grieving several years after my divorce. Honestly, most other normal people are, too.
My first piece of advice for any kind of dating after divorce is to please, please, please do your personal healing work before you even think about getting on a “divorced dating app” and exploring another romantic relationship. If we haven’t done the work to rebuild our own sense of value and worth after divorce, we are just too vulnerable to get into other relationships. We all know the dire statistics for failures of second marriages…(about 75%). So if you didn’t enjoy your first divorce, think about how looking at a “best dating app after divorce” #2” might feel? (Not good!)
Are You Ready To Date?
Again, before you jump into looking at any dating app for divorced people, ask yourself, “Am I really ready to date yet?” Of course, you have to be completely over what I call the “sobbing and screaming stage” before you google, “dating site – divorced.” You need to look carefully at whether you have fully dealt with the hurt and the anger and the sadness left over from your divorce. Some relationship experts say you should wait at least two years – preferably three.
Especially after a long marriage (and if you are an empty-nester and there is a pandemic going on!) the loneliness after divorce can be so debilitating that we start thinking in the back of our head, “I wonder if I’m going to be alone the rest of my life?” We think, “If I don’t hurry up and find someone, I will never have another relationship!” We jump into a “best dating site for recently divorced” too soon.
I’ll say it again – dating before you’re ready emotionally is a recipe for more hurt and rejection. We start looking for the best dating app after divorce way before we’ve healed from our divorce. As hard as it is, face the loneliness first and rebuild your self esteem so that you’re confident and strong. You definitely don’t want to get on after-divorce dating apps while you are feeling shaky and needy. At that point you might “settle” for anyone who’s breathing. That’s definitely a mistake! And you’re usually hurt all over again if it doesn’t work out.
Online Dating Tips
There are some people out there who purposefully prey specifically on sad and lonely divorced women. (My kids warned me about that!) And these online scam-artist thugs are patient! Divorced people are often “groomed” for months or even years by someone online who, after a while, suddenly needs money for a “sick mother” or has a child who “needs a blood transfusion immediately!” or needs money to fly to come see you. And they are often doing the same thing to other targets at the same time. Remember the advice from the Bible, “Be gentle as a dove, but wise as a serpent!”
So be aware of anyone on online divorced dating sites who seems just too good to be true! NEVER send anyone money even after you have been corresponding with someone for a length of time — even if it’s a dating app for divorced people that has great reviews.
Here are 10 online dating safety tips from safety.com.
- Do your research
- Use a free Google Voice Number and not your own
- Video chat before meeting
- Chat by phone before a first date
- Meet there – drive yourself
- Meet in a public place
- Tell someone else the details
- Don’t reveal too much personal information too soon
- Carry pepper spray
- Stay sober
Disclose Your Marriage Status
Even though there are dating apps for separated couples, my general advice is to NOT date while you’re still married or separated (you are still married when separated!). In most cases, dating during separation muddies up a situation in which you might still be considering reconciliation, or if you are just giving divorce a “trial run.” Instead of finding a dating app after divorce, focus on YOU and what you need to learn during separation and the divorce process.
If you are determined to try to date during separation or divorce, be honest with your online interest. Tell them exactly what your current relationship status is with your ex or soon-to-be ex.
Take It Slow
When you are on any dating site for divorced people, you need to be patient and just explore for a while and not get seriously involved with anyone right away. Even though you may feel like it, there is NO RUSH! There will still be good people on the good after-divorce dating sites. Potential dates can also usually tell if you are desperate to find someone. Slowing things down helps you create a sense of “I know who I am and what I want, and I’m willing to wait for the relationship I deserve!”
Remember: Confidence is the number one most appealing trait to both sexes.
Maintain Your Standards
In our Midlife Divorce Recovery work, we guide members in figuring out who you are now and help you get clear on who and what you want in your life after divorce. We provide resources to help you figure out your own personal relationship “deal-breaker,” “must have” and “nice-to-have” characteristics in potential partners. Spend some time pondering what you really want before you even explore divorced dating apps. Don’t let your own standards slip just because you are lonely! Don’t hesitate to cross someone off your list who isn’t a good fit! It’s actually empowering!
Use Recent Photos
What is the use of using a ten-year old image of yourself when you start looking for someone on even the best dating site after divorce? If you found someone, it would start your relationship on a bad footing. It’s also dishonest and makes you look silly when you finally meet in person. You don’t have to post a photo done this year, but certainly have one from at least the last three years or so.
Don’t Lie About Your Age
Just like having an up-to-date image on your profile page of a dating site for recently divorced people, make sure you are honest about your age. You shouldn’t be on any dating site if you are insecure enough about yourself to lie about your age. If you’re 56 like I was, be confident enough to say it. Also be honest about accomplishments and other information. One of the cool things about online dating after divorce is that you can totally be yourself. If they don’t like you, that’s their loss!
Online Dating Apps & Sites For Divorced People
It is easy to find dating apps and websites for divorced people, because many of the divorced people in our world are proactively looking for another relationship. So even though some sites don’t market themselves as specifically “best dating site for recently divorced,” or “best dating app after divorce,” or even “best dating site for separated couples,” the most reliable sites that are mentioned will likely include a large percentage of divorced or separated people.
Below is a list of tried and tested dating sites and apps for most anyone looking for a new relationship including a relationship after divorce. As I mentioned before, I think dating is not the best thing if you are either legally or informally just separated from your spouse. But I’m sure if you googled “dating apps for separated,” something would come up. Even some of the sites below would probably show up.
eHarmony.com – MDR’s recommended platform
eharmony.com is the #1 trusted dating site out there and is the best platform we’ve found for getting started again. eharmony places a lot of focus on people who are looking for a serious, long-term relationship. Their match algorithm builds profiles with the highest compatibility ratings including age, lifestyle, values, etc. It’s a good place to put your toe in the water of online dating, and it provides a free membership option to get started. This is the site where I met my husband after my divorce, and we’re going on year 16 of a great marriage!
Match.com
Match.com has been around for a long time and they are the parent company of many of the “targeted” dating sites you’ll find out there like christian, silversingles, ourtime, black, farmer, etc. Although it’s not for divorced-only daters, more than 50% of its members have kids from a previous marriage, and 75% are over 30 years old. You can create a free profile and there are some free features to let you get started exploring the site. Match also has specific subgroups like cowboymatch.com or professionalmatch.com that are fun to check out!
SilverSingles.com
Divorce in midlife and late-life has continued to outpace divorce in other age groups, and SilverSingles.com has been leading the way for senior dating since 2002. It’s an international network that focuses on the United States but also includes several other countries. Membership starts for free, so you can see what’s happening in the over-50 online dating world.
It’s a sophisticated, helpful site that helps you find other eligible seniors near you.
Dating Apps For Divorced Parents
The site below is not specifically listed as a dating app for divorced parents, but it is appropriate.
OurTime.com
OurTime.com is a premium site where over-50 singles can take a look specifically at compatible singles in their own age group. You can sign up for free, and you will find the site easy-to-navigate. That’s good for single parents and beginners who aren’t particularly tech-savy. OurTime honors the wisdom of age and celebrates relationships that can blossom in that time of life. Great long term relationships seem to be more likely with someone close to our own age.
Online Dating After Divorce Conclusion
To repeat myself, do not start dating until you have done the serious grief and healing work you need to do first. (Are you getting the message?!) Also remember that even for teenagers, having a parent start dating after divorce is one more thing they have to adjust to. Your first responsibility is to your children especially younger children and adolescents. Don’t date too soon.
Also, be at the point in your recovery so that you aren’t crushed if an online dating relationship doesn’t work out. Go into this after-divorce dating adventure with a light heart and a clear view of what your expectations are. In other words: HAVE FUN!
Here is a general list from almost all age groups of what people are looking for in a new relationship even after divorce.
- Fun
- Honesty
- Relationship
- Laughter
- Loving
- Sense of Humor
- Happy
- Caring
- Kind
When you start online dating after divorce, be the confident, kind, good, happy person you would be attracted to!
Thanks for such an informative article! I’m six weeks post my husband telling me he’s leaving our 20 yr marriage. The pull of online dating is incredibly strong.
But I recognize it is probably more likely that I’m afraid of living alone and looking to fill the space my husband is about to leave. I’m years away from being ready to date again. I do wonder how I will know when I’m ready to date again.
Thanks for the article. I’m 3 years post divorce and tried online dating but taking a break as it gets overwhelming! It’s so much work for some reason. Maybe I’m just too adjusted to being single, it’s simple and freeing! I’ll try again I’m sure because I do want a partner but not a needy partner lol..
Totally get that about not needing a “needy” partner. I love that you are enjoying some of the parts of being single and it does give you a chance to figure out what you really want in a partner. We have several sections in our MasterPlan that help you really dig into who and what you want in your life moving forward. When we figure out our gifts and our goals and our dreams …. and really what we’re supposed to be doing on this big ball in space, it really helps to find the kind of person who also has a purpose and a bigger picture of life. One thing I liked about online dating was that I could just calmly cross someone off my list who was not a good fit! Best of luck and let us know if we can help in any other way!
“I could not even imagine being in any romantic relationship because I was still doing the hard work of grieving several years after my divorce. Honestly, most other normal people are, too.”
I’m sorry, but I really take offence to be categorized as abnormal. Each separation, divorce, marriage and person is unique. The first thing I did – before I even moved out of the house – was sign up for a dating site. I needed validation. I have no shame in saying that. It was the biggest, ‘F**** You” I could send to my husband. It has been an integral part of my healing. To realise that yes, others do find me beautiful and interesting and smart and funny, even though my husband did not. I have travelled my own journey in healing from the exquisite pain of sacrificing everything for a man who could not appreciate it. Could not appreciate me. In one year I have been on 22 first dates, 3 of whom became lovers for a while. It has been phenomenal. I feel sexy and alive again. And now, it is time. to focus on redefining ME.
Am I healed? Not by a long shot. But should I not date? NO. Every man I have met has also been on a journey. At our age, it is unusual to find someone without baggage. Sharing our stories has also been valuable – but don’t dwell on them. Be you, not a dumped wife. IF you are self-aware and are honest with your dates… DATE if it makes you feel good. Go for it. And don’t think that you are abnormal.
Love and hugs to all of us who are healing.
Love this! You give me hope…I feel like I am where you are but I am still afraid to actually go online. Maybe I will get the courage after the new year. Thank you for sharing your experience!
I really wish someone would’ve advised me of this sooner I learned the hard way of trying to date sooner
I enjoyed reading this post. It was very timely. There have been times when the desire to have a partner/companion was so strong that I felt desperate to find someone. Reading this post reminded me that I may not even be in the right frame of mind or position to begin dating. I’ve heard or read in other material that the average time is at least 2 – 3 years post-divorce prior to dating; give yourself time to heal is what I’m hearing. The sad thing is that I haven’t given myself time to heal because I’ve been entangled with my ex-husband or divorced husband (as I sometimes call him), for the past 10 years since we’ve been divorced. So maybe this time around I’ll commit to allowing myself the time to heal! I asked someone to pray with and for me on this because this is something that I genuinely struggle with.