Transforming the Despair of Your Divorce into an Unexpected Good
by Suzy Brown
“God is kind, but He’s not soft. In kindness, He takes us by the hand and leads us to a radical life change.” Romans 2:4 (The Message)
Excerpt from the INTRODUCTION
“I sat across the table from a beautiful, bright, accomplished funny friend of mine. As we waited for our lunch, she began to talk. There was a little quiver in her voice and her eyes were beginning to spill our tears. She said:
“I turned 50 in January. Our last child is leaving for college next year. I’m going through menopause, and I just found out my husband is having an affair with someone about twenty years younger than we are, and he wants out of our marriage. I’m losing everything all at once – and just when we were about to have a little breathing room – just when we were going to have more time for us. I’ve been raising children the last 25 years because that’s what we wanted, and now the last one is getting ready to leave home. I haven’t had a paying job since my husband was in medical school. My body is changing. My life is in complete turmoil. I can hardly get through the days, and the nights are worse. I’ve always been an optimist, but really – what am I going to do?”
I know exactly how she feels. Stories like this have become much too personal and much too familiar. I had been living the same nightmare. I know what my friend is going through, and if you’re reading this book, you are probably feeling those same devastating feelings.”
Chapter One: FIRST SURVIVE
First survive. Then try to get through this ordeal without killing anybody or allowing anyone to destroy you.
Chapter Two: GET STRONG
In the beginning, being strong was getting to the grocery store and back without crying. Later, it meant realizing I could become my own version of Wonder Woman. You can do that, too!
Chapter Three: ORGANIZE THE CHAOS
Just because your life is a disaster of disorder and despair right now doesn’t mean they won’t shut off your lights and add on a ridiculous late fee if you don’t pay your bill on time.
Chapter Four: HELP YOUR CHILDREN
As hard as this divorce is on you, it’s even harder on your children. Know what they need more than anything else? For you to be yourself, and be okay.
Chapter Five: STAY CLOSE TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Being self-sufficient is over-rated. Find someone you can call at 3 in the morning who you know will pick up the phone.
Chapter Six: FACE REALITY
Reality kicks in when you finally face the fact that your marriage is really over and you ask yourself, “What do I do now?”
Chapter Seven: CHOOSE TO CHANGE
Try this test: See how much fun it is or how much good it does to focus on how miserable you are. If the answer is ‘none.’ Try something else.
Chapter Eight: EMBRACE TRANSFORMATION
Radical means ‘seeking to make drastic reforms.’ Each one of us decides what those reforms will look like. We can turn into promoters of ‘poor pitiful me’ or we can be the amazing women God created us to be. It’s our call.
Get the book to start moving forward to create the life you want.
I know this is not what you wanted. This is not how you dreamed your life would unfold. This is not where you thought you’d be at this point in time. But the fact is, this is where you are.
First of all I want you to know I’ve cried a million tears at least. I’ve moaned in agonizing despair on the floor of the closet. I’ve been completely overcome with rage at the lying and betrayal. I’ve done crazy, out-of-character things. I didn’t want to eat. Some days I didn’t want to get out of bed. I’ve been where you are.
Let’s face it. You’re in a battle. It’s just as demanding; it takes just as much courage; it’s just as difficult as overcoming cancer or the death of someone you love.
In fact, in some ways it’s harder. Cancer or death is random. This was a choice your husband made. He either decided to leave you and move on to another woman and a different life, he abused you or he lived a life of substance abuse, pornography, or some other addiction or lifestyle that made it impossible for you to be the woman you were created to be and stay in the marriage.
This journey is not for cowards. If you let it, it can destroy you physically, emotionally and even spiritually. I know sometimes the darkness seems too powerful, and sometimes you can’t stop crying long enough to think of anything good. But the goodness is there. The joy is still there. The laughter will still be there when you’re ready. In fact, it’s all there right now. You just have to find it again.
By now you realize you can’t control someone else’s behavior … as much as you want to, and you can’t change someone’s heart … as hard as you try. But the good news is you can control your behavior. You can’t make him come to his senses, but you can come to yours.
He is responsible for his actions. You are responsible for yours. The encouraging truth is, you don’t have to settle for just making it through, or merely surviving or trying to make the best of the situation. You can choose to soar above these circumstances. You can be victorious. Get the book and you can build a stronghold of strength and power. You can create a legacy of love and confidence … starting now this very minute.
So, welcome to the Revolution. Get ready for the adventure. It’s a wild, RADiCAL life. But, it’s a life of fulfillment and excitement and abundance that will amaze you in ways you can’t even imagine yet!
“After a 33 year marriage, my divorce was final in Dec., … since I just couldn’t seem to move on, a friend suggested your book. Wow! Why didn’t I have this sooner? I am energized to help other women now. I believe your book really saved my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” J
The emotional roller coaster is unreal and so very hard to explain to someone who’s not been there. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. The poems at the end were particularly touching and felt like I wrote them myself. Thanks for validating my feelings and making me seem “normal” and not a complete freak walking through this world with everyone else who obviously has it all figured out =). Blessings!!
“I thank you for the courage it took to write this book, to invest yourself in this mission, to respond to God’s call to help other women in healing gaping wounds, to guide us on so many practical issues, to counsel us about our children, and once again, to offer your loving spirit to so many. Though you address hard issues, you also slip in such terrific humor. I love it!” KB
“I am a Catholic Christian trying to figure life out after finding my 25 years long marriage is over. Just wanted you to know your book, website, blog, and forums have helped me tremendously —Thanks for being a beacon in this sometimes dark world. God bless you and keep up the good work.” MM
“Thank you again Suzy for your desire and passion to help so many other wounded women and to give us encouragement and hope to live again and to look forward to the future!!” KE
“This book will shake you out of your lethargy, knock you out of your bitterness, and bounce you out of your self-pity parties. If you want something that is pie-in- the-sky and full of pleasant theories, skip this book. If you want to get better, you have come to the right text.” Dan Knight, Minister
“The past 10 weeks have been very difficult but made so much easier with your calm, supportive and witty words. Your book is a treasure and I will share it with all going through what I’ve been through. Just wanted to thank you for being my angel here on earth! Much love.” D.
“Thank you so much for helping us dumpees. I read your words everyday and a little each day I’m climbing out of the dark hole of sadness. Keep doing your thing. You’re making a difference in our lives. God bless you.” B.
Don’t wait. Radical Recovery can change your life for the better, too.
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