Okay, deep breath. Your divorce is final. You’re beginning to wonder if you dare open up your heart again? You wonder if you should test the online dating sites, or if they’re too fraught with potential romantic disaster.
I’ll admit, that decision to jump into the icy waters of dating after divorce is scary. I remember saying on one of my first posts on a dating site …. “I can’t believe I’m doing this! It seems so desperate!” But I had people still praying for the healing of my heart several years after divorce, so when a free membership to a dating site showed up in my inbox, I thought, “Maybe I should do my part. What have I got to lose?”
A psychologist who spoke on grieving at one of my boot camps indicated that women tend to fill up the lonely void for companionships with either eating, spending or relationships. Common sense and the sad experiences of other women prove that too soon-rebound relationships or relationships based on physical attraction and availability alone can bring unwanted consequences.
My advice: make sure you’re strong and confident first. Enjoy platonic relationships. Go to dinner with friends. Have coffee. And pay attention to this advice from the great little book, Normal is Just a Setting on the Dryer and other advice from the real/real world: “Never get involved with a flamenco dancer, no matter how gorgeous, whether he is from New Jersey or Peru.” That’s solid advice you can get your arms around! (No pun intended!)
Seriously, stay away from the flamenco dancers, the bar frogs, the guys ‘on the make.’ With your new freedom and need for reassurance, sometimes even those guys with red-flags coming out of their ears are tempting! Have fun and don’t take it too seriously, but stay alert. Don’t lower your expectations or your values. Don’t get into a situation that will not be good for you. You’re just recovering from that! Relax and take your time. Use good judgment.
Forgive me if I sound like a dorm mother, but if it will save you heartache, I’m willing to sound any way I need to!
“Keep your eyes open for spiritual (and sexual and emotional -my addition) danger.” I Corinthians 16:13a (The Living Bible)
