Holding Your Tongue During Divorce


“I actually learned that you have more power when you shut up.” ~ Andy Warhol

Strength In Silence

People from every culture and every country and every religious persuasion speak virtuously about silence. As a young man, Andy Warhol came to the conclusion that it was virtually impossible to get someone to do what you wanted by talking. For Benjamin Franklin it was one of his 13 Virtues.

In the book The 48 Laws of Power, the section on the “Keys to Power” contains the following statements: “Saying less than necessary is not for kings and statesmen only. In most areas of life, the less you say, the more profound you appear. By saying less than necessary, you create the appearance of meaning and power.”

Quiet Control

In my own midlife divorce recovery journey, I had a terrible time keeping my mouth shut. Even when I wasn’t talking out of anger but trying to convince my wasband to come back home or to give up his girlfriend, I was talking too much. It was like talking to a brick wall. And all my effort did was make me frustrated and leave me looking and feeling like the foolish one.

Though there are definitely moments during a divorce process where you should make our opinions and feelings known, there are an equal amount of opportunities to just stop and let someone else fill in the spaces of silence.

Let them make themselves look foolish. By us not talking more than is absolutely necessary, they begin to get flustered and start dancing around with their silly and ridiculous arguments. How much better off we are to just stand there in quiet control than to let our lips start flapping.

Choose Your Words Wisely

Anyway, in most cases, the more we talk, the less they listen. Let’s all try today to only say what really needs to be said. Let’s have fun, but today lets give our “lips and teeth” a rest. It will be good discipline, and we might find out other people have interesting things to say, and in the future, they might listen to what we do say more carefully.

“Watch your words and control your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief.” ~ Proverbs 21:23 (The Message)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.


  1. 戦国IXA RMT July 29, 2012 at 4:52 pm - Reply

    Thinks for sharing ur knowledge and experience.

  2. Debi June 28, 2017 at 11:18 pm - Reply

    VIP reminder, thank you!

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